Street Smarts
by ts12413
Summary: I haven't watched this show in years. What will it take for me to watch it again? Get rid of Leonard. AU leading to Shenny. Deleted some brief Penny on Penny action at the end of 1 but keeping the rating in case I change my mind.
1. Chapter 1

"Slow morning, huh..." Penny sighed to no one in particular.

"Ahuh", one of her coworkers standing behind her breathed out.

"Man, these slow shifts at the Cheesecake Factory suck ass." she thought glancing over the few occupied tables in the restaurant hoping someone would ask for a refill and she would have to spring to action. Tips made up most of her pay and no customers meant no tips.

She started focusing on one table at a time trying to analyze the character of each customer and guess how big of a tip she would get in each one. She got pretty close most of the time. So close in fact that the other waitresses stopped betting against her for the tips and declared her the champ.  
She was really good at reading people. Even her genius neighbor Sheldon admitted she had street smarts. The thought of him put a smile on her face. "Too bad I couldn't have a career at guessing what people are all about" she thought. She wondered if she would correct people that got her title wrong if she had a PhD in street-smarts. "Is title the right word even?" She'd have to ask one of her boys when she got back home. She thought a bit more about it. "Yup, of course I would . That is Doctor Penny Woodridge." Another way Sheldon's behavior has rubbed on her she thought and smiled again.

Penny was dating his roommate, Leonard, for a while now. Leonard was a decent guy but fascinating he was not. At least not the way Sheldon was. Penny thought about Leonard a lot but the majority of those thoughts had something to do with their relationship. Sheldon on the other hand excited every other part of her mind and soul. She found his behavior enchanting, mesmerizing. She loved every weird thing he did and every weird thing about who he was. Over the years she never stopped discovering new parts of this person and the more she did the more infatuated she became. But he was a super-genius with a doctorate and so far out there that she knew she could never rise up to be on his level. "Unless they give doctorates in street-smart" she thought but then again Sheldon dismisses any soft sciences as not real sciences. She chuckled. She knew him so well.

At the beginning she turned to Leonard because she desperately needed someone to pull her back. Someone to force her to keep her feet on the ground. The Hollywood dream that made her get out of Nebraska was not going to materialize. It slowly fizzled out, one failed audition at a time and in the end she realized she went through one third of her life with nothing to show for. It was time to choose a path on earth not in the clouds. She would never be a leading lady. At most she would be the lady talking about diapers or laundry detergent in a commercial. She could live on that path she thought.

And Leonard was part of that part as well. He worshipped her and he spoiled here with affection and she no longer looked at her choice as settling down. She did love what he had to offer and convinced herself that this is what love is. She dismissed her dreams of passion together with her dreams of a big life. She was telling herself Leonard is more than good enough for her and wished with all her will that he was. But good enough or not there was one thing Leonard was not. He was no beautiful mind... or a beautiful body for that matter. She sighed. Oh how she wished Leonard was a bit taller. There goes her imagination again. Trying to fix him in her dreams. Why did she have to have thing for tall guys?

A silhouette sitting down at a table pushed all these thought out of her mind as she hoped off her stool. When her faculties cleared and her eyes focused on the new customer she noticed he was one of the regulars, Christopher. "Just my luck" she thought. "Another beautiful mind walks in to bring my own beautiful mind from 4A back in my thoughts. Just as he was about to get out." She needs a new hobby to keep Sheldon out of her head she thought as she walked to his table.  
"Hello Christopher"

"Hello Penny"

She handed him a menu and waited only a couple of seconds before asking. She knew him well.

"What can I get for you today?"

"A 4 and an 18 please. That would be all. Thank you"

She smiled. He didn't give her a chance to ask if that would be all. She couldn't help but compare the two approaches to the same subject. Sheldon would come out swinging saying something like "If there was something more I wanted, I would have included it in my order. I would not use a 3-second pause just to separate my choices." That man had no concept of social etiquette whatsoever.

Christopher on the other hand always seemed to take the path of least resistance. He was like a super intelligent lazy guy. It was as if he was trying to use as few words as possible to interact with those around him. He would always order using the numbers in front of the menu items. And if he was presented with a special's menu, which had no numbers, he would just point at what he wanted saying "one of these, please". He even dropped the word 'number', so 'a number 4' was now just 'a 4'.

"I'm getting carried away with this analyzing people" she thought as she carried on with her duties. But she couldn't help it.

Christopher first showed up at the restaurant about six months ago. He became a regular and for the next few weeks he would come in everyday by himself for lunch. Anytime from 12:30 to 3 o'clock. He was tall with dark hair and gray eyes. She couldn't guess his age. It could have been anywhere between 30 and 40. He reminded her of that old James Bond actor, Pearce Bronson. All the waitresses wanted to serve him and the fact that he seemed to interact as little as possible with them only added an air of mystery to his presence. He would come in wearing what appeared to be a very expensive suit one day and jeans with combat boots the next. By looking at him on any single occasion you may have been be able to guess a profession based on his attire. The way they changed from day to day, however, made a guess impossible.

Penny remembered Laura, one of her coworkers, trying to start a conversation with him on one of his earliest visits. She was taking his order when a couple of highway patrol officers on motorcycles went by in the street outside generating enough noise to make everyone turn and look. They were riding side by side and they pretty much looked like the two cops in that old-time cop show, CHIPS. Poor Laura tried to chat with him by asking if they reminded him of the two cops in that show. He answered with just one word "No". Laura talked to the rest about their odd exchange. He could have said just about anything else and Laura would have jumped on the opportunity to continue talking to him. Laura didn't care, she was happy just staring at those eyes.

During the next few weeks they didn't manage to get anything out of him and the only reason they knew his name was because on occasion he would come in wearing a coat with the name "Chris" embroidered on it. He would order a couple of dishes and a salad, never the same in a row and often without anything to drink, which seemed odd. He would always pay with crisp $50 bills. Then all of a sudden he stopped showing up. Chris the hunk was out of their daily routine. They kept teasing Laura about her lost love for a while until she stopped working there. She moved in with her middle aged boyfriend somewhere up in Northern Cali.

A couple of months passed and one day Chris showed up again. Penny was showing a new girl, Jan, the ropes. Basically how to use the new POS devices to get orders in. They both walked up to the table and Penny introduced Jan as her trainee and then turning to Jan mentioned that Chris was an old regular.

"Where have you been?" she asked not thinking much about it.

"Moved." he said smiling back. His answer was exactly the sort of answer she expected to get from him. She smiled at how good she was at figuring people out. Jan seemed lost in his eyes not even bothering to look at the device Penny was using. "Another Laura," Penny thought.

Christopher didn't show up every day now. Just once or twice a week and he always had someone else with him. The first couple of times his companion was a tall brunette with legs up to Penny's shoulders. She could have been a super model. The two of them together pulled all eyes of both genders on them.

When Penny came up to the table saying "Hello Chris", he said "Maria, this is Penny. Penny this is Maria."

Penny went about taking their order but from listening in to the few words those two exchanged Penny figured out that his name was actually Christopher. "Not much", she thought but at least she had something new to add to the gossip.

For some reason Penny couldn't help but compare every little thing Christopher did with how she imagined Sheldon would behave in similar situation. After so many years of exposure to her neighbor's wackiness Sheldon's imprint on every fiber of her being became deeper than she realized. This was probably the real reason behind her recent fascination with trying to figure what the people around her were all about. If there was one definite positive that came out of Christopher's reappearance was that she took a break from the Sheldon-Leonard comparisons.

The next time Christopher showed up he had two new women with him. They were not particularly attractive and clearly there was no romantic interest between either one and him. Both women had wedding rings on their fingers but they seem to hang on this words and giggle or laugh at whatever he was telling them.

Various combinations of lunch partners continued for the next few months. The most was 7 people 3 of which were guys. He was clearly the alpha male of the pack. The waitresses would always bring the check to him and he would always pay cash.

And here he was today. All by himself again and for the first time since his return, wearing a jacket with his name on.

When Penny came back with his order she blurred out "No company today?"

"Nope. All by myself from now on. For a while at least." he smiled looking at the plate in Penny's hands.

Penny was a bit surprised at the unusually high number of words. "What happened to your friends?" she continued without any expectations. She was half expecting him to come back with a single word answer like "died".

But he surprised her. "They were more like work associates I left that job behind now and I'm going to give being a bum a try for a while before I move on."

"Ah, cool. Where too?"

"Not sure. Where ever the wind blows me. I'm sort of a nomad. Stay in one place for a while and then move on. "

The complete opposite of Sheldon Penny thought. "Sometimes I wish I could be a free bird like you." Penny confessed. "Although I did move here from Nebraska so I guess that's something."

"Perhaps even more than something. Some people need more time to get a sense that they belong. I make friends very easily and I really enjoy trying to blend in to new environments."

All the time they were talking Christopher was keeping his eyes off Penny. He was either looking at objects on the table or outside the window. This lack of direct looks somehow put Penny at ease.

She realized that she was hovering over her customer and he didn't start eating yet. As she was about to apologize and leave to let him start, Christopher spoke. "It's ok. I appreciate the company more than food." surprising Penny with how perceptive he was.

Penny smiled "I better move on cause I'm gonna start feeling my boss eyes shooting lasers at the back of my skull."

"He's not out here anymore. He went in the back a minute or so ago."

Penny relaxed a bit more.

"May I ask you something?" she continued trying to suppress a chuckle at her choice of words. "may" instead of her usual "can". She was amused that Sheldon's constant reprimands were responsible for it.

"Of course."

"How come you're wearing your name on your jacket". 'I mean..." Penny started again but Christopher interrupted her.

"I'm lazy."

"Lazy", Penny stated again. Waiting for more.

"You know how at some places you give your order at a counter and give your name with it? So they can bring it to you when it's done? Instead of speaking I point at my name here."

"Very efficient", Penny replied and she immediately thought of Sheldon wondering how come he didn't think of this first.

"In the beginning I used to give "Bob" as my name. Simpler to spell..."  
"Not that Christopher is anything complicated but those wasted seconds watching people trying to write all those letters on a paper cup, especially when they were making mistakes, seemed unnecessary." "I tried shortening it to 'Chris' but every so often someone would ask me to repeat it, as if a K instead of a C makes any difference.""So I came up with a better solution"

"I'm aware of how trivial the whole matter is..." "But you asked." he said laughing.

Penny laughed with him. And she made up her mind. She liked him.

Four weeks went by since that day. Christopher came by most days for lunch and Penny got to know him a little bit more. And every time he would reveal another surprise about himself. Most shocking of all was that he wasn't even American. He had only been in the US for the last 6 and a half years. He had no foreign accent whatsoever and he seemed to know more about American history, culture and current affairs than most Americans do. And he knew just as much about a dozen or so other countries he lived at. He lived in 7-star hotels and he lived with homeless people up in Sac. And it was obvious he could get along with everyone.

Her coworker Jan developed such a crash on him she couldn't even wait on him so Penny ended up waiting on him on the majority of his visits.

When Christopher left Penny went back to her own thoughts. Over their multiple interactions, Penny only mentioned the very basics about her life to him. She did mention her neighbors and her friends and how different and wacky each of them was but she did not talk about her own life.

She so wanted to unburden some of her relationship worries and life-choices worries and have someone with that much insight offer her some advice but she was afraid. She didn't know why. Trust was not the issue. She did trust him. More than her friends even. He would be looking from the outside and he wouldn't be biased in any way.

Eventually she figured her reluctance out. She realized that she was afraid of what he might tell her. And she knew it would be the honest truth and she'd have to do something about it. She would no longer be able to look the other way.

"My god Penny. When did you turn into a chicken?" she thought. Half joking she decided that one of these days she would ask Christopher to solve all her problems. He was a consultant of some sort. Her life was definitely less complicated than most of the companies he was dealing with through his work.

..

Sheldon was seating in his regular spot in the boy's living room flipping through channels on the TV when Penny walked in with a bottle of wine in her hand. He had a look of irritation on his face. A tall glass of water was sitting on the table in front of him.

"Whatca-doin, Moonpie?" Penny beamed a giant smile his way.

"Penny, only Meemaw calls me that. The way you butcher the English language is bad enough. Please don't kill what fond memories I have of my Meemaw at the same time." Sheldon blurred out. His tone was harsher that he wanted but Penny noticed his frustration with the TV remote and smiled.

"Hey. Cheer up doc... what's the matter? Can't find nothing with spaceships on?" deliberately adding a double negative on top of everything else just to get back at him.

Sheldon realized what she did and his mood changed immediately. He finally stopped pressing buttons on the remote. She had such a calming effect on him.

"Penny" he continued in a mock condescending tone. "As you know I do not just turn on the TV and start clicking random channels on waiting for something appealing to appear. They changed the schedule and that defeats the whole purpose of having a schedule. I don't know what's more frustrating. Not watching what I was anticipating or knowing that something as important as a schedule, something that mankind has relied on for millennia, has been abused in such manner."

Sheldon was content that his point was clearly and sufficiently passed across and he stopped talking. In his mind however he was already formulating a draft for a protest he intended to send to the network explaining the perils humanity would be facing if schedules continued to be abused in similar fashion."

Penny smiled at her whack-a-doodle. "You ARE sending them a letter, right?"

"Of course I will." He said, deliberately changing the tense. "Already in the works." Sheldon grinned like a kid in a candy store.

"Oh, Moonpie... heehee" Penny laughed. She knew he wouldn't say anything this time.

"Where's Leonard" she asked?

"He was talking on the phone being very disruptive..."

"So, you sent him to his room" Penny interrupted.

"That was a perfectly normal request on my part. But he should have thought of doing it himself. I allowed him a sufficient time interval to be courteous and leave on his own but he was not."

Leonard opened the door but stayed there still tapping on his cell phone.

Penny walked to him. "What's wrong sweetie?" Penny asked.

"I have to go rescue Rajesh from a bar. He's there with Howard and he locked himself in a stall refusing to come out. I tried calling him but he's not answering."

He looked at the bottle of wine in Penny's grasp "Raincheck. Ok?" he said as he raised his eyes to Penny's face, grinning extra hard. Just in case Penny got upset over him choosing Raj over his girlfriend.

"Ok. Go. Go, before those two get into more trouble."

They both made their way back to the living room. Sheldon didn't pay any attention to them. He was still contemplating how to fill in the void left by the network's appalling blunder.

"It's gonna take me at least an hour and a half just to get there. Don't wait up for me." Leonard said.

"It's ok. I'll stay here for a while and then I'll go to sleep. Perhaps I'll get Sheldon to have some wine." she raised her voice making sure Sheldon heard her.

Sheldon just shook his head. Leonard walked out closing the door behind him.

"Well? What do you say Sheldon? Want to try some of my fermented grape juice?" Penny asked trying to entice him a bit more by adding some science wit to her sentence, hoping the word she chose was the correct one.

"Penny. I thought you were joking when you first suggested it in the presence of Leonard. That is the reason I didn't bother to reply."

"So my jokes don't even warrant a response from my best friends anymore..." Penny let out a fake sigh.

"I did respond. I shook my head."

Penny gave him affectionate smile and moved into the kitchen.

"Ok. You drink your water and I'll drink my wine" she said as she was searching through the drawer for a bottle opener. She found it, grabbed a glass and moved back to sit next to Sheldon.

She opened the bottle and poured some in her glass clinking it to Sheldon's water-filled one saying "cheers".

Sheldon got up and picked up a DVD out of his collection putting it in the player before returning to his seat.

He then picks up his glass of water and says "cheers" before taking a sip himself.

"You know they used to mix the two... to water down their wine... in ancient times, right?" she said, surprising Sheldon with this unexpected knowledge she possessed.

"You are correct Penny. I suppose if you are to consume such vast amounts of a product you'll research its history."

"Hey. Don't be mean!" Penny complained taking a jab on Sheldon side, making his squirm like a fish out of water.

"Stop it" he laughed back.

"One of the regulars at work explained this expression to me... It is used in a play I was studying."

"What expression" Sheldon asked?

"Put some water in your wine." Penny replied.

"Oh. It means don't be so absolute in your position. Make concessions."

"Right. I thought you would water wine down to cheat your customers and it didn't make any sense until he explained it to me. How the Greeks and the Romans diluted their wine and what not. He's a smart guy."

"How smart?"

"Well let's see. Out of all your close friends do you think anyone else ever heard that expression? Let alone know where it came from?"

Sheldon thought for a second and then replied.

"No. Not Leonard. Not Howard. Not Rajesh. Actually, your inquiry into the origin of the phrase and subsequent seeking of an explanation puts you ahead of those three in my ranking."

"Yeah right, Sheldon. I'm not smarter than them. Half the time I have no clue what you guys are talking about."

"Knowledge and intelligence is not the same. An encyclopedia is filled with facts. It doesn't mean it's smarted that a cockroach. Trust me your mind is very fast. You just lack the knowledge of the code we use. But I see how fast you process information you are well versed in."

"I don't have any knowledge about any subject, Sheldon. I can memorize dialog for my roles but so can a parrot. And it takes me considerably more effort to learn my lines. But thank you for trying to boost my confidence"

"I'm not trying anything. I am just expressing a fair assessment of your abilities based on my personal observations of the subject."

"Subject being me... and my intelligence..."

"Yes. What have we been talking about all this time? Are you experiencing momentary lapses because of the wine you've consumed?"

"No... But..."

"If you want further proof look at how street-savvy you are, Penny. If we dropped you and those three in the middle of a far away city and asked them to get back home who do you think will make it back first?"

Penny smiled. Deliberately or not Sheldon managed to lift her spirit up.

"Imagine if that city was in another country." Penny shyly added.

Sheldon started laughing out loud. Penny couldn't take her eyes off him when he did that.

"Leonard would either starve to death or eat something he's allergic to with the same end result. Rajesh would not be able to talk to anyone and would probably end up in the psychiatric ward. And Howard would probably end up in the ER after being beaten by a jealous boyfriend or something." Penny said laughing herself now.

Her comment only made Sheldon's laughter even louder.

It took a couple of minutes for their hysterical laugher to subside and for them to settle down.

"Are we being naughty talking about them like that? Behind their back?" Penny asked.

"It's nothing they don't know or we haven't said to their face" Sheldon said "So to answers your question, no."

"You're right Sheldon. Thank you for making me laugh. You're good company"

Penny reached out and affectionately rubbed his shoulder a couple of times.

Suddenly Sheldon jumped up and rushed to his room.

"What the hell" she thought. She poured more wine into her glass.

Sheldon came back a minute later with a small paperback book in his hand.

"Here you go." he said offering her the book.

"What is this?" she asked.

He moved his offering closer to her face and she read the title on the front cover out loud. "Know your own IQ". There was a chart with some numbers on the front cover as well.

"No thanks sweetie. I'm not very good at these things."

"My offering is the result of substantial thought and consideration"

He looked in her eyes. His own eyes pleading for her acceptance. And Penny was hooked. She couldn't refuse those eyes.

"Ok" she said, grabbing the book Sheldon was still holding in front of her face.

"Hush now. I'm starting the movie" he said.

Penny ended back in her apartment half past midnight. She quickly washed her face, changed her clothes and got in bed. Leonard wasn't back yet but she had a nice time hanging out with Sheldon. She picked up the book she got from Sheldon. She smiled. She read "Copyright 1986" on the back cover. "Wow. There were geeks back in the 80s as well". She chuckled and put the book back on her nightstand.

She closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep but she couldn't. Her brain would not shut down. A thousand random thoughts were swimming around in there. Celebrities, family, friends. A few minutes later she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling through the darkness. Damn Howard and Raj she thought. She was looking forward to some alone time with Leonard and they ruined that for her. Of course, it was more Leonard's fault. They couldn't help behaving like assholes but he left her there alone.

She suddenly realized that he could have asked her to go with him. "Seriously. Why didn't he?" she wondered. God bless Sheldon. She could always count on some company from him. He was even more reliable than a TV network she thought. He he.

Her mood changed again when she thought of a life of just her and Leonard. If Sheldon wasn't there tonight she would have been all alone with just the wine keeping her company. Like some sad, sad housewife. Home alone, drinking. Is this what her life would turn into? Sheldon wouldn't be in their life forever. Her thought jumped from Leonard to Sheldon and back again a few times. With every round her feelings for each seamed to become a bit more clear. But she stopped herself. She was afraid what total clarity would reveal. She blamed the wine for all these thoughts and turned to more pressing matters.

She needed a release right here right now.

XXX


	2. Chapter 2

Howard spotted Leonard walking his way through the crowd.

"Waiting here long?" He asked as he got close.

"Nope. Just got here myself" Howard replied.

"A booth just cleared. Get a drink and come meet me there." he said getting up from his stool. He moved to the empty table and sat down. A minute later Leonard was joining him.

"Just wait and see Leonard. I've discovered two of the most beautiful women in the universe."

Leonard wasn't holding his breath. He was well aware that 99% of what came out of Wolowitz was hot air.

"What time are they getting here?"

"They didn't say. They said let's meet here tonight. What time do hot chicks go out? I didn't want to look like a fool and ask what time they would be here."

"Smart move." Leonard snickered.

"You'll see. It will all be worth it."

"How long did it take you to get here?" Howard asked after brief pause.

"About 15 minutes. There's not much traffic this time of the evening." He tasted his drink.

"But I did tell Penny I had at least a 90 minute drive ahead of me" he continued.

"Great idea."

"What excuse did you give Bernadette?"

"I had to go rescue you and Raj from some bar."

"What did you tell Penny?"

"The same. God bless that tongue-tied freak. Where is he anyway?"

"It's his time slot at the observatory."

"Nice place. Not too loud. You can have a decent conver..." Leonard s words trailed off . He was glancing in the direction of the door as the two most beautiful women he ever laid eyes on walked in. He stopped breathing. They were both much taller than either him or Howard. One had auburn hair the other strawberry blond. And those figures His brain barely managed to come up with their hair colors but the rest of them caused a short circuit. He couldn't describe what he was seeing. His brain was not cooperating. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God" he said out loud.

"What did I say?" Howard asked.

"I love you man" Leonard replied"

They both stood up and Howard waved his hand in the air getting their attention after a while. Everyone at the place was looking at the two newcomers and when they realized they were heading towards the two geeks at the corner booth every single jaw fell open.

"Leonard, meet Milena and Kinga. Milena, Kinga this is my friend Dr. Leonard Hofstadter"

"Nice to meet you Leonard" they both said in very cute accent. Kinga hugged and kissed Leonard while Milena did the same to Howard on the other side of the table.

They are from Poland. Howard blurred out.

-  
Penny was a little late getting up the next morning. She woke up early enough but for whatever reason she could not master enough strength to push off the mattress. She had planned to run some errands around town this morning before going to work but she decided to postpone them for her next late shift day. When she finally decided to get up it was almost noon.

Her reluctance to get up was beginning to register as laziness so she decided to clean up her apartment to feel a little more productive. She put everything scattered all over 4B in their proper place. She washed the toilet as well as both bathroom and kitchen sinks. She marveled at the number of pieces of dirty clothes she managed to gather together. No wonder her closet was starting to look empty. That pile was huge. She was happy with the job she did. The place looked and more importantly smelled much much better. Too bad there was no one to admire the job she did she thought. "It's not going to stay clean for long" she thought giggling. "I'm such a slob".

She took a quick shower. Picked up her recently discarded clothes from the bathroom floor and added them to the pile of dirty clothes already gathered. "Ok. Now everything dirty is here." she confessed. But she thought the robe she had on also needed washing so she took it off and added it to the pile as well. Ok now everything is in its place. She went back to the closet to put fresh clothes on and she reminded herself to add those to the pile a couple of hours later when she would switch to her work clothes. "Hmm. It's finally happening. I caught Sheldon's OCD." she laughed out loud.

She picked up the book she brought home last night. There were all sorts of questions in it like fill in the blanks or choose the odd one out. Some questions were about shapes other were using numbers and some had letters or words. She picked up a pencil and a notepad and started jotting down the answers not wanting to write directly on the book itself. It took about 15 minutes to go through the first couple of chapters. There were only a few of the questions left unanswered but she knew that she was probably correct on the ones she did answer. She debated whether to cheat and look at the answer key at the back or wait to give them another try later. She was actually surprised she managed to concentrate for so long on something just yesterday she considered wackiness. Maybe Sheldon was correct after all. This was not the first time he mentioned she had street-smarts but now she had a clear idea what he was talking about when he was mentioning her intelligence quotient.

Her phone buzzed from receiving a message. She dropped everything in a kitchen drawer and went to her bedroom to get her phone. "Wow. I did get OCD!" she mused realizing that for some inexplicable reason she wanted to keep the kitchen counter clean so she dumped everything in the drawer.

The message was from Leonard apologizing for abandoning her and asking if they could get together tonight.

She considered mentioning the sense she had last night, that she should have gone with him, but decided not to press the matter. She didn't care about it today the same way she did last night. She responded that she had to work tonight and left it at that.

She picked up a script she printed out for a commercial she was going to audition for next week. It was for the role of the mother of two, a 7 and a 5 year old. "The mother" she sighed. "Guess that's how I'm perceived now. A mother." she acknowledged with a smile. The part only had two lines. "Jamie" and "Let's go". Maybe she should suggest the filmed the whole commercial using monkeys instead of people when she gets there. Save every sad hopeful future star some of their dignity. She wouldn't call the mood she was in foul but she decided she better pep herself up anyway. What sort of an actress would she be if she couldn't fake some enthusiasm for a few hours of dinner service? She could do it. She would do it, for the tips. She faked emotions for far more trivial reasons. She snickered.

She got ready for work, mechanically going through the motions, not concentrating at what she was doing. She grabbed her keys, locked the front door of her apartment and walked outside. She got to her car and drove off. She tried to clear her head but the haze that was clouding her mind would not go away. She went through the presets on the radio. Left it at a classic rock station and started singing along with what was playing. She was surprised she knew the lyrics.

When the song ended Penny's feelings were taking shape in her head. She felt adrift and what she needed was to set anchor in a harbor somewhere in this universe. Or at least set a course that would get her there. She was ok with settling down. She was ok with getting old. Being free as a bird like Christopher was, was not what she was after.

She realized she needed some real advice. Some expert advice. At the very least, she urgently needed to unload her burden on someone. It suddenly dawned on her. She needed to go get her palm read. "Yup. That's what I need." she snorted.

-  
Leonard's mind was also clouded for most part of the morning. But the fog that plagued him had a name. And her name was 'Kinga'. He somehow managed to get up and get to work in a zombie like trance and when he somehow came to his senses he was seating at his desk.

"Wow, wow!" he thought. "Howard finally delivered."

All those years of getting nowhere with the opposite sex and now, all of a sudden, he was allowed to taste something he never thought he would sample.

They didn't actually do anything with those two Polish sirens but the possibilities were unfolding in front of him now. "Stewardesses! My God!" Such creatures did not even exist in Leonard's realm. Definitely not in his reality but not even in his fantasy.

Howard walked in with a grin ear to ear. He plopped down on the chair in front of Leonard.

He too was still high from their experiences the night before.

"Howard...!" Leonard screamed with as much passion as he had ever put in a single word.

"Leonard...?"

"Did I mention I love you already?"

"I think you did. Last night"

"I still love you man"

"Was I right or was I right?" Howard asked rhetorically.

"Where, how did you find them?"

"Remember when I flew to Huston for a day for a routine checkup? A couple of weeks back?

"Yeah"

"Well my return flight had a US airways code but apparently the same flight also had some Polish airline code. As it turned out the plane and crew were Polish as well"

"Ok..." Leonard was wondering what flight numbers had to do with anything.

"I still had my NASA flight jacket on when I was boarding the plane and the copilot greeting the passengers noticed what I was wearing. We talked for a couple of minutes about my trip to space. Then, a few minutes after we took off, the captain started talking in Polish and after a while I heard my name mentioned. There was clapping and cheering throughout the plane and a bunch of those hot Polish stewardesses came and pulled me off my seat and escorted me to one of the first class seats at the front of the plane that was empty."

"You lucky bastard" Leonard interrupted.

"I heard the captain make what I assume was the same announcement in English mostly for my benefit. I could tell that the vast majority of the passengers were from Poland. The captain said they were honored to have a very special passenger traveling with them. Someone who has traveled where all pilots dream of going. Where everyone on earth dreams of going but very few actually do. You know. Stuff like that. And then he said I was an astronaut and said my name."

Leonard was really jealous of Howard now. Not of his trip to space but of the celebrity status it provided.

"After that I had Milena and Kinga hover over me for the whole flight and before we got off I gave them my phone number. They said they would contact me next time they land in LAX. And they did, yesterday morning."

"Unbelievable" said Leonard.

"I know. I can't believe it myself. I mean being an astronaut always got me some attention from the ladies but as soon as I open my mouth they start running for the hills."

Howard was right and yet for some reason the two Polish goddesses did not sense what sort of a creepy nerd he really was.

"You know what it is?" Leonard asked after a while.

"What?"

"I think I figured it out." he continued.

"What?" Howard was still trying to come up with an answer, not paying much attention to Leonard.

"What was the one new variable added to this equation?" Leonard pressed on.

"I don't know." he replied. "I got sexier, baby?" Howard suggested in his lame-for-everyone-else-but-cool-for-him Elvis voice.

"No you fool." Leonard laughed. "The language barrier. They didn't understand much English so our weirdness was lost in translation."

Howard paused for a minute to fully analyze what Leonard said.

"I think you're right Leonard."

"Of course I am. I mean look at me. I'm no astronaut and yet I managed to spend hours talking to the most beautiful woman I ever met."

"Oh my God", Howard shouted.

"Oh my God" Leonard shouted back.

"Do you realize what this means Leonard?"

"I do. I do."

"There's a whole new world out there waiting for us to explore." Howards mind started wondering at the possibilities.

"Holly shit." Leonard screamed when it donned on him as well.

"Imagine how many millions upon millions of drop-dead gorgeous women are out there waiting for us. Holly shit."  
Leonard started trying to quantify that. "We skip the US, Canada, UK, Ireland, Australia..."

"New Zealand" Howard jumped in.

"Right... New Zealand. Bahamas, perhaps. There must be 200 more countries we can explore."

"Brazil" Howard volunteered wide eyed.

Leonard's eyes also opened up. "Brazil..."

They both started daydreaming and drooling over their fantasy women from each country of their choice.

Every minute or so either one would suggest a new destination. Then they would both start constructing their perfect woman from that country in their minds. Usually dressed in their native outfits.

"Germany?"

"Germany..."

This went one for more than half an hour.

"Yugoslavia?" Howard offered

Leonard thought for a second "No. Yugoslavia broke up."

"Even better..." Howard continued "Croatia?"

"Croatia." Leonard whispered drooling some more

20 more minutes went by.

"What are we going to do Wolowitz?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're married and I have a girlfriend."

"What are you saying?"

"Well we can't go after other women."

"Dude. You've cracked the code and now you're suggesting we don't put it to use?"

"Well I don't know. On one hand I know we will never find anyone better for either of us... "

'Yeah. Bernadette is great" Howard admitted.

"So is Penny. ...but on the other hand I so want a taste of what I couldn't have for so many years. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why couldn't we have discovered this 10 years ago?"

"I have to try Leonard. I have to try. At least once. I can't live the rest of my life thinking what could have been. You're already regretting the past. That's only going to get worse."

"You're right."

"I know."

"We have to try. Try to take it all the way. At least one time. We have to."

"I know."

"But we must never tell anyone about this."

"I agree."

"Not Sheldon, not Raj, not anyone."

"Not anyone."

After 5 more minutes of silently pondering their predicament Howard pushed himself off the chair. "I have to get back to work."

"Right" Leonard replied. "We'll talk about this later. I need to text Penny to see if we have plans for tonight"

"Later man"

"Later" Leonard said "and Howard. Remember. Mum's the word."

"Right. Mummmmm."

.

Raj greeted Sheldon taking a seat next to him in the cafeteria "Hello Sheldon."

"Rajesh." Sheldon nodded without looking up at his friend. He was busy typing on his laptop.

"Why are you doing this here and not in your office?" Raj asked.

Sheldon started explaining "They needed to replace..."  
"My God man. What has happened to your eye?" Sheldon shrieked not finishing his previous sentence.  
Raj was sporting a perfect example of a black eye this morning.

"It's nothing. I had an unfortunate collision with an eye piece last night at the observatory. I slipped off my stool as I leaned over trying  
to gaze with my eyes at the beauty I was analyzing with the other instruments."

"I agree with your assessment. It does appear to be anything serious. Just some burst capillaries in a perfect circle. It should clear out in  
a couple of days" Sheldon was pleased with his diagnosis.

A very attractive girl approached Raj and asked him if he was alright. She knew his name. Raj didn't even look at her, let alone open his moth to say anything.

Sheldon was surprised that there were people not aware of his friend's awkwardness and were still trying to approach him "You must be  
new here." he concluded making the situation even more weird for everyone.

The girl rolled her eyes. "Oooooookay..." she said, turned and moved away.

Raj immediately got up and run in the opposite direction.

"Hey. I didn't even tell you why I'm here." Sheldon protested as Raj was stepping though the exit.

"What foolish behavior" Sheldon continued out loud.

"It wasn't as if she touched him spreading her germs" Sheldon thought. "Some people are really weird. I'll have to send him a message to clarify my presence here." he resolved.


	3. Chapter 3

**[**Thank you all for the comments and reviews. I have decided to keep every character nice for a couple of chapters because apparently they all have their fans. The result so far is a much tamer story than I originally planned for. I think deleting the explicit parts also contributed to it. Penny didn't chose the team of Sheldon and her toy over Leonard on his own so now I'm taking the long road.**] **

* * *

Penny's dinner shift went by fast. She did not like the extra effort the stuff had to put in to clean and get the restaurant ready for the next shift tomorrow but the tips made it really worth her while. She was surprisingly alert for this time of night. She got to her floor and she pressed her ears on the door of 4A. She was hoping their TV was on. After all the fake smiles and over-the-top politeness she wanted some real human interaction. She couldn t hear anything. Leonard was probably asleep and Sheldon is probably sitting in his bed typing.

She went into her apartment and begun taking off her uniform. The sound of her phone receiving a message startled her. She picked it up. It was from Amy. Sheldon's supposedly girlfriend and Penny's bestie'.

*u up?*

*yup. just got home* Penny typed and sent back wondering what Amy wanted at this time of night. She would have otherwise ignored the message but she could use some Amy weirdness right now. Amy was ok in Penny's book but her hormones seemed to run her.

Suddenly her phone rang. Sure enough Amy was calling.

"Hey Amy. What's up?" she knew it wasn't anything serious. This was typical Amy behavior.

"I need to talk to you bestie. I'm not disturbing you, am I?"

"No I just got in and took off my clothes to take a shower. So tell me. What's wrong?"

Amy's throat went dry at the image of the blond goddess in the shower. Water exploding on every cell it hit. Exploring every neuron-twisting curve of her body as it run its course. Streaming through valleys and folds...  
Amy's whole body was burning up. It felt as if someone was cooking her in the microwave. Then the image of Penny lathering up popped into Amy's head. Hmmm. Semi-transparent soap bubbles created by Penny's hands rubbing...

"Amy?" Penny asked from the other side.

"Huh?"

"What's wrong?"

"Oh" she swallowed hard."Nothing's wrong bestie. I need to share something with someone and maybe get some advice."

"I need some advice too." Penny confessed. "I was thinking of going to see Madam Isis tomorrow. Want to come with?"

"You psychic palm reader?"

"Yes. She always makes me feel better. I have a split shift tomorrow. We can get some coffee or something as well. Around 4 or something? Or we can do this another day. I'm gonna see you at the restaurant tomorrow night with Sheldon anyway."

"No 4 is fine. I'll come by your work then. I wanted to talk to you before seeing Sheldon anyway."

"Ok then. See you tomorrow"

"Good night bestie"

"Good night sweetie."

Penny stepped into the shower smiling thinking what an oddball Amy was.

xxx

-  
Bernadette and Howard were both getting in bed. She grabbed her book from the nightstand. He grabbed the remote control and turned the TV on. This was their nightly ritual. They would get in bed at the same time. She would read for 20 minutes while he gawked at the screen. And they were both content with their routine.

"What happened with Raj last night?" Bernadette asked. They haven't had any alone time since then.

"Huh?" Howard's attention was still absorbed by the TV.

"I asked what happened last night."  
"Nothing happened."

Howard decided to turn the TV off. He knew the importance of not screwing this up. He needed to give his full attention their conversation.

"Leonard pushed Raj to go talk to some girl he seemed to fancy. Leonard said he had him repeat 'Can I buy you a drink?' a few times to himself..."

"That's not much of an opening line." Bernadette interrupted.

"Well yeah... but we're talking about Raj here. Keeping things simple seemed like a good idea."

"As it turned out, even 5 words are too much for him." Howard continued. "He approached the girl but was taking too long. The girl spoke first. Messed up his whole plan. She slapped him. He felt embarrassed and run and locked himself in the bathroom. You know. Usual stuff."

"Poor Raj". Bernadette felt sorry for their shy friend.

"Poor me" said Howard getting carried away in the lie himself. "It wasn't a lie lie" he thought. It did actually happen. Just not last night. He was certain no one would bring this up in case they hurt Raj's feelings.

"Oh come on Howard. He's your friend. That's what friends do. They help each other."

"Yeah but..." Howard was proud of himself. The Raj angle was perfect. But he wasn't quite sure how to end this conversation. "I don't think we're helping him at all. I mean Leonard was his wingman last night. You have to admit he's not much of a wingman. Or me for that matter."

"You got Me." Bernadette sweetly suggested.

"Yeah but you're easy to get." Howard blurted out immediately regretting doing so.

Bernadette shook her head. She knew what Howard was like. But it was mostly talk and at least now he was being an ass in the privacy of their bedroom and not in public or among friends as usual.

"Ok. Ok." Howard finally admitted. "I got you. Yeah... but not because of my... wingmen, baby". He used his Elvis voice to say the last two words.

Bernadette laughed. "Perhaps you should get Raj to talk like Elvis too."

"Yeah it increases my charm by tenfold. At least."

"Ha ha. Have you ever met anyone who likes your Elvis?" Bernadette continued teasing him.

"All the time." he stated trying to keep a straight face.

"Ooooooookay... but if the voices in your head tell you to do things... please don't." She paused for a second. "Want to do it?"

"Well, climb aboard little lady" Howard-Elvis said.

xxx

Next morning Penny woke up on her own earlier than the time she set her alarm for. She debated whether she should stay in bed a while longer or leave for work early and finish the errands she ignored yesterday on her way. She chose the former. Her pillow felt so nice this morning. She would stay put for another ten minutes and then attack that huge pile of laundry that was getting dangerously tall.

She got up and put on a pair of sweat pants. With her feet, she pushed the basket of dirty clothes into the living room. She was pressing the top of the pile down to keep them from spilling out of the basket. She stepped into the kitchen to get quarters and the box of soap. She used more than half already so it wasn't heavy but still there was no way she would manage to carry it down stairs on the same trip as the clothes. She thought of digging up a place for it at the bottom and then re-piling all the clothes over it but she was certain that even using her chin to hold the pile compressed she would still and up with a sock or a brief jumping off on the way down.

"Why didn't I get one of those boxes with a handle? Grrr." And then it dawned on her. Why take the box down there at all? She wasn't Sheldon. She wasn't going to separate them into several loads. All she needed was enough for one. She dug around and found a dirty pocket in the pile and proceeded with filling it with detergent. "Aha!" she exclaimed.

She opened the door and pushed the basket out. She closed the door behind her and then picked it up just as Leonard stepped out of 4A pulling the door shut behind him.

"Good morning honey" he said. He thought about attempting to give her a kiss but her chin pressing down on dirty socks changed his mind.

"Oh, good morning, sweetie. Where's Sheldon?" she asked, surprised not seeing the two together on their way to work.

"He's already downstairs doing his monthly visual inspection on the car. You know Sheldon." he sighed.

"Ha. Good luck."

"Yeah, yeah." Leonard puffed as he started down the stairs.

Penny tried to follow him but she couldn't keep up with his pace. She was a little irritated that he did not offer to carry her basket downstairs himself. "Have a good day at work " she shouted followed by "my knight in shining armor." barely loud enough for anyone else to hear. Leonard didn't reply. "He's probably out of the building already" she thought.

She dumped the basket over the machine pushing with all her weight to get the clothes to pass through the opening. "There we go" she said pleased with her achievement. She selected the warm cycle, the average of all her clothes, and used the coins to start it. She briskly climbed back up to her apartment pleased with herself when she didn't run into any pieces left behind.

She grabbed the spare key to the boy's apartment and a tall mug and went there in search of coffee. Luckily there was more than a cap full. "Freshly brewed coffee. Life doesn't get any better." She thought as she sipped some to make it easier to get the rest back to her place without spilling any.

She turned on some music and sat on the couch content to just sit there for half an hour until she'd have to go put the clothes in the drier. She got up a couple of minutes later and picked Sheldon's IQ book together with the pen and pad. She continued to work from where she stopped before and at the end of another chapter she noticed, to her delight, she left nothing unanswered. Maybe she was cleverer than she thought. She remembered how she tackled her soap problem earlier and grinned. "Yup. That's something Christopher would have done. And he's a professional efficiency expert, consultant, something."

She decided to give another try to the questions she left behind last time. She now had a better understanding of what those puzzles where and how to go about solving them. She did come up with answers for most although she wasn't very sure about a couple of them. She continued until she sensed enough time had passed for the washing to finish. She rushed down stairs and got the dryer started and then back up again to continue. She finished one more chapter. At her pace she thought she'd get through the whole book by the end of the week.

She quickly changed into her work clothes, fixed her appearance a bit and took off for work. She would pick her clothes when she got back tonight.

Her first shift of the day was progressing annoyingly slow. She had plenty of time to call Madman Isis to see if she had openings this afternoon. Madam Isis was free and Penny thought they'd go there around 4:30. That gave them plenty of time to catch up afterward. She didn't have to be back at work for her next shift before 6.

Half an hour later she noticed Amy standing outside and she walked out to meet her. "Hey" she called out.

Amy turned around and walked closer to Penny. She went in for a hug. "Hey girlfriend"

"Let's walk if you don't mind. Madam Isis is not that far and there's a coffee shop on the way." Penny suggested.

"Let's"

"So. How've you been Amy? Haven't seen you around our neck of the woods lately. Of course my work schedule has been appalling "

"You're right actually. I haven't been around much. I had one dinner with Sheldon last week and that was it. I wanted to tell him first but I chickened out."

Penny got a puzzled look on her face. She realized Amy wasn't walking with her anymore. She stopped and turned back to face her. "What's wrong?"

"I accepted another job." she said as fast as she could say the words.

"That's great!"Penny cheered.

"In Boston" Amy added.

"What?" Penny realized how heavy Amy's news where. "Boston, on the other side of the country..."

"Yes."

Penny tried to make her words sound as encouraging as she could. "Well, you're a smart girl. You know what you're doing... right?"

"Do I? I've been trying to sort out my mind ever since I got the offer. Two weeks ago."

"Oh you poor thing" Penny pulled Amy in for a quick hag. She started walking again at a much slower pace pulling Amy along for a few steps until she started moving on her own.

"My career is all I have, Penny."

"No it's not. You got us, silly."

"Not for long."

"We'll always be here for you, sweetie. We're not going to stop being friends. Me and Bernie, we'll keep in touch. "

Amy smiled.

"And we'll come visit. And you'll take us shopping."

"Shoe shopping..." Amy clarified.

"Shoe shopping..." Penny repeated. "And you'll introduce us to your new friends."

Amy was listening to Penny giving her the exact encouragement she needed to hear and she was starting to cheer up. She had thought of all that herself but she was relieved to hear her bestie' choose the same side she did.

Penny was still going on "... and you'll introduce us to your sexy boss and your hunky assistant."

"I'll have a team." Amy said.

"A team of hunky assistants... working for you... I think I'm getting jealous now."

"They'll probably be nerds."

"That's even better." Penny suggested. "You'll get to boss a bunch of nerds around... oh what I wouldn't give."

"Me too" Amy said as her fantasy run wild. She started picturing Penny in a black leather dominatrix outfit. She had a whip in one hand. A bunch of nerds on all fours in front of her And she would be 'cracking' her whip while ordering them to lick her boots.

They were walking in silence for a minute or so when they came up to the coffee place. Penny noticed that Amy's face was changing color and she seemed lost in her thought. She grabbed her by the wrist, startling her, and pulled here inside.

"Do we order or want to sit down first?" Amy asked.

"Let's sit. A waiter will come by eventually."

They sat down looking at other customers in the tables around.

"Nice place" Amy offered.

Penny agreed.

They sat quiet for a while. Penny didn't want to bring up Sheldon. She thought of something else to offer "You'll need a new wardrobe."

"I have plenty of winter clothes..."

"Not just for the colder weather. For your new position as well."

"It will still be in a lab."

"But you'll have your own office."

"I guess."

"And you'll have meetings with the higher ups."

"Yes."

"Well there you go. You'll need pant suits."

"Pant suits?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think that's my style."

"Nonsense. You'll be a gorgeous, brain boss lady in a pantsuit kicking nerd ass."

Amy chuckled. "You're good at this."

"Good at what?" Penny asked.

"Listening. Pep talk. Cheering me up."

"So I've been told." Penny said laughing.

The waiter showed up to takes their orders. "She's paying" Penny told him. And then she whispered "She's a rich doctor from Boston."

"Let's have drinks. Two mojitos, please." She said immediately turning to the waiter.

"Bestie?"

"Don't feel like coffee anymore."

She thanked the waiter. "You know what Amy?'

"What?"

"When we first met we didn't quite clicked but now I can honestly admit that I'm going to miss you."

A sad look came over both their faces.

"I'll miss you too," Amy said, words barely escaping her throat. Her eyes were beginning to fill up.

"Being here talking to you about your worries is actually making me feel better about my own demons."

"You don't have any demons Penny. You're perfect in every way."

"I wish. Why do you think I was going to see Madam Isis?"

"You don't think that stuff is real, do you?"

"Maybe. You never know..." "Maybe not" Penny concluded after a few seconds. "But in any case, talking to you did the trick. I don't need a palm reading anymore."

"Glad I could help" Amy mocked.

"Don't laugh."

"I'm not. Our talks have always been very cathartic for me as well."

Penny got a puzzled look on her face.

"Cleansing" Amy explained. "A way for me to unburden my troubles. Talking to you is better than therapy."

"And talking to you is better than palm reading." Penny offered back.

And she was right. Amy had the courage to move across the country and start a new life. She, herself, did the same when she left Nebraska. Why was she chickening out now? If she didn't want lonely, sad housewife to be her future, it was up to her to change it. Whatever she was stressing about was nothing she couldn't overcome. She used to be a tough girl and California didn't change her. She still was. Suddenly all her worries seemed so insignificant.

The waiter got back with their drinks, interrupting their thoughts. Amy took a sip. "Oh, I like it" she admitted.

"I knew you would."

"Maybe the alcohol will help with my nerves a bit."

"What nerves?"

"You know. Sheldon."

"Oh." Penny realized she made a booboo. "Sheldon will understand." She offered.

"Of course he will. He's a genius" Amy smiled at the thought of Sheldon. "But I still don't want to hurt him"

"He's not going to hold it against you Amy. He will truly want you to go."

"I hope you're right"

"You know him. He goes on and on about his own needs, his own career but deep down he cares more about those around him than anything else. "

"Yeah he's special that way. I don't think I'll find another one like him in Boston."

"I don't think there's another like him anywhere on the planet."

"True. I wish I had met him a few years earlier. It took me 2 years to just get through the outer layers. I would have loved to explore what he hides even deeper inside."

"Pure gold"

"Penny?"

"Huh?"

"Are you daydreaming about my boyfriend?"

"No I am not."

"Because you had that look in your eyes"

"What are you talking about?"

"You tell me. You've known Sheldon for so many years. I can't believe you've never wondered about him. You know... romantically."

"You're crazy." Penny laughed. "He is kind and caring and all that but there is no romantic bone in his body."

"I m pretty sure there is."

"Where?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out." Amy giggled.

Penny laughed as well "You re nuts Amy. Pimping your boyfriend to one of your girlfriends." She paused for a second. "In all seriousness, I never thought Sheldon was any kind of boyfriend material but you made it work somehow."

"I did not. Look at what we have. It's more of a comedy than a relationship. I would have declined the job and the substantial salary increase if I ever thought me and Sheldon had a chance at making it work. Don't forget, I had no idea what I was doing when I started seeing him. My needs were different, my expectations were different. We never had a chance. But I can see it working out with someone like you..."

"Shuddup. I'm with Leonard anyway."

"Leonard, shmeonard. No offence."

"Hey" Penny said. She pretended to be offended but maybe her lunatic bestie was right. Not about the Sheldon nonsense. About the Leonard, shmeonard nonsense.

Are you coming to dinner tonight? Penny asked trying to move away from the topic of Leonard.

Yes. I sort of wanted to tell everyone my news but I don't think I can do that without informing Sheldon first.

I can drive by and bring him with me to work. I left my laundry in the drier and I'm thinking of swinging by to take care of that in case I don't feel like it tonight. I have more free time now that I'm skipping Madam Isis. Call him and have him be ready at 6.  
"I will try". Amy sighed. They both new how stubborn he could be.

Penny hugged Amy goodbye and left her take care of the check.

Amy dialed Sheldon up.

"Doctor Sheldon Cooper speaking" Sheldon answered.

"Sheldon, it's me, Amy"

"I know who you are Doctor. But I am still at work."

"Sheldon please listen to me"

"I have been doing just that."

"Ok... please let me finish without interrupting. Please."

"Proceed"

"I need a huge favor from you. I know it will disrupt your schedule for a couple of hours but you have to trust me. It's very important"

"What's the favor?"

"Penny will be waiting to drive you to the Cheesecake Factory an hour earlier than our usual. Please go with her. I will meet you there and explain everything in person."

Sheldon thought for a split second and said "That is acceptable."

"Ok?"

"Yes Doctor. Ok."

"Thank you Sheldon. See you there."

"Goodbye Doctor."

Sheldon was intrigued by Amy's request. He didn't like disrupting his schedule but he much preferred to drive to the restaurant with just Penny rather than having to share a car with 4 other people. The thought of all the germs flying out of their mouths gave him the chills.

-  
Penny got back to 2311 N. Los Robles and went straight for the laundry room. She compacted the clothes back into the basked and took them up to her apartment. She took her shoes off and sat on the couch. She wanted to put her feet up put and she used the basket with the clean clothes. "Very soft" she thought. She was watching a shopping channel when Sheldon started his knocking sequence on her door.

*knock, knock, knock* "Penny"

*knock, knock, knock* "Penny"

*knock, knock, knock* "Penny"

"It's open, Sheldon. Come on in."

Sheldon walked in closing the door behind him.

"Unlocked you mean. The door was clearly not open."

"I wasn't talking about the door, Doctor." Penny smiled. "I was talking about the lock."

Sheldon just gave her a funny look. He knew she was being a "smart-ass" as she puts it so he backed down.

"Penny?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"Amy informed me that you will be driving me to the restaurant ahead of our regular schedule. Is that correct?"

"Yes Sheldon. I'm doing Amy a favor. She wants some alone time with you. I have to be there for the start of my shift."

Do you know why she wants to be alone with me?

"She wants to tell you something."

"Do you know what she wants to tell me?"

"She will tell you herself Sheldon."

"Tell me."

"I cannot. It's between you and Amy."

"Oh no. That's even worse. You cannot just tell me the topic of our discussion will be our relationship and leave it at that. Please, you must tell me. Please Penny."

Penny thought for a second. She really had to say something to get Sheldon to stop acting like a lost puppy no matter how cute he looked doing it. Or at least get him off her back. "It has something to do with Amy's career. Now go get ready. I will not reveal anything more."

Sheldon was somewhat relieved. Penny's answer helped him eliminate a huge percentage of all the possible topics of discussion he came up with. He was still extremely anxious but at least now all the brain capacity he was devoting to forecasting the outcome of every possible disease he may have contracted from Amy would be put to better use.  
"I will return momentarily". Sheldon stated as he turned to leave.

"Let me freshen up a bit and put away these clothes. I will come by your place in 15 minute". Penny spoke before he reached the door.

Sheldon looked at the basket of clothes Penny was using as a foot stool. "Are those clean?" he asked.

"Fresh out of the drier."

Sheldon started shaking his head.

"Also notice how clean the rest of my apartment is." Penny suggested.

"I wouldn't call it clean. I would call it tidy."

"Thank you for the complement Sheldon."

"You're welcome Penny." Sheldon replied, oblivious to the sarcastic tone in her reply.

Sheldon left leaving Penny smiling, shaking her head.

-  
20 minutes later Penny walks into her neighbor's apartment. Sheldon is sitting alone in his regular spot in the dark.

"Ah, Penny, finally. I have been sitting here waiting for the last five minutes." Sheldon says as he gets up and walks out the door.

Penny follows him back outside. "Where's Leonard?" she asks.

Sheldon closes and locks the door and starts walking down the stairs. "I suspect he is on his way to gather everyone else and escort them to the Cheesecake Factory. That was his plan, at least."

"I guess I'll see him there."

"Yes that is highly probable. Good guess, Penny."

"Hey Sheldon, remember that book you loaned me the other day?"

"Of course I do."

"Of course you do. For a moment I forgot you have eidetic memory. My regular memory is acting up on me." Penny said as she turned to face Sheldon with a giant grin on her face.

"Sarcasm?" Sheldon asks already knowing the answer. He was getting good at detecting it lately.

"You know it."

"Now please keep your eyes on the road. Let's not change the odds of you meeting Leonard at the Cheesecake Factory."

"Anyhoo. That book you gave me. It's not as nerdy as I suspected. I had fun solving some of the problems."

"Have you considered that maybe you are the one who's more nerdy', as you put it, than you suspected. And the correct word is anyhow."

Penny smiled. "Maybe I am."

They soon reached the restaurant's parking lot. They both noticed Amy sitting in her car waiting as they drove by on their way to the far end the lot where employees usually park.

Penny parked in her regular spot. "Go talk to her, Sheldon. I'm going inside."

"Ok."

"And Sheldon Be nice"


	4. Chapter 4

**[Ok. The story veered off somewhere. Not sure how to get back to the street smarts theme without dragging it on forever . As it turns out, it's easier to use existing characters than introduce new ones. Please bare with me as I figure this out. Any input appreciated. It's my first story ever. ]**

* * *

Sheldon was too preoccupied with the pending talk to pay any attention to Penny's words. He headed towards Amy. When he got near, she leaned over and opened the passenger door for Sheldon to get in.

"Hello Sheldon. Come sit with me here for a while. There's something I need to tell you."

He got in and sat down facing forward. He swallowed hard. "Hello. What is this all about, Amy?" He wanted to point out how ridiculous the whole setup, just for the two to talk, was but he held it in.

"I care about you a lot, Sheldon. More than I have cared for anyone else in my life."

Sheldon did not let her finish saying what she rehearsed. "There is no need, Amy. Our relationship is very clear to both of us. I know how you feel and you know how I feel. Just tell me."

The last couple of sentences from Amy was all Sheldon needed to come to the conclusion she was about to break up with him. In his mind he was already analyzing every aspect of such an event. He wished he had a copy of their relationship agreement with him. The first step should have been the signing of the resolution of their contract he included in Appendix IX. He wanted to mention that to Amy but he also wanted to experience how less rational people went through a break-up. He decided that following Amy's lead would produce results closer to the norm.

"Let me finish the way I thought it through, Sheldon."

Sheldon turned and faced Amy. "Just tell me. There is no need to prolong our discomfort. I will understand. I promise. Please tell me."

Amy could feel him looking through her eyes and straight into her soul. And somewhere in there he was figuring out what she was trying to tell him. She knew there was no point in resisting anymore. She wouldn't be able to hold back his piercing blue stare for long. Her eyes were already filling up with tears. She had to tell him now.

She squeezed her eyes shut. "I am relocating to Boston, Sheldon. We cannot be a couple anymore." She kept them closed until he started talking.

"I understand, Amy." Sheldon said in his regular tone.

Amy started sobbing now, sniffing every so often. "I got a job..." She said after a while. She wished for some sort of emotional reaction from him but she wasn't expecting one.

Suddenly, Sheldon reached and pealed her hand off the steering wheel and held it in his. It was more than she could take. She moved her other hand and pulled him in holding on for dear life as she started crying uncontrollably. Sheldon understood that even though this public display of emotion was something he utterly despised and was expressly forbidden in their agreement he should just accept it and let Amy get it out of her system.

A couple of minutes later Amy stopped crying. "Thank you" She whispered in his ear. She pulled back and Sheldon released her hand from his grasp. Both turned to face forward.

"God I must look a mess." Amy said sniffing a couple of time and wiping her eyes with the palm of her hands.

"Don't concern yourself with your appearance, Amy."

"Thank you, Sheldon"

"We have adequate time to make yourself presentable again."

Sheldon's comment made Amy smile somehow. It reassured her that Sheldon was still his same old wacky self. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him.

"When are you leaving?" Sheldon asked.

"In two weeks... End of the month. I will sign the resolution of our contract and bring it over before I leave." she said turning in time to notice Sheldon reaction.

A slight grin formed on his face. He and Amy didn't see eye to eye most of the time but he realized she knew him, even without understanding him. He liked that about her and he was going to miss having her around.

He thought hard about Amy's offering. "You know what, Amy? That would not be necessary."

Amy was not sure she understood correctly. "What?" She asked.

"Don't bother with the contract anymore."

"But why?" Amy asked not sure why he would offer something like that.

"I want to reciprocate your offer to sign the resolution."

"It's ok Sheldon. There's no need."

"I wanted to show you how much your company influenced and changed me over the course of our relationship. My overall assessment is positive. It has been good for me, Amy."

Amy finally realized what Sheldon was saying and her heart melted. She didn't want to start crying again. She tried to put a lighter spin on the matter but she knew what giant step this was for Sheldon. And it was all her doing. "So you're telling me you may consider entering into a relationship without a written contract in the future?" She smiled.

"I willingly made so many concessions and allowed so many violations to the terms of our agreement just now. It made me realize that I did not want to enforce our relationship contract because I did not want to regulate your feelings no matter how strongly I wanted to regulate your actions."

Amy could see that talking like this was difficult for Sheldon. He kept his eyes on the tree in front of the car all the time he was talking.

It took her more than a week to make peace with the idea of breaking-up with him but it seemed Sheldon managed to come to terms with their break-up a lot faster.

"Make sure you tell your next girlfriend she has me to thank for helping you figuring that out." She laughed.

"Want to go inside? I need to freshen up." She said after a while.

"Ok."

They got out and started walking towards the entrance. Amy pulled Sheldon by the hand and stopped him from reaching for the door. "Are we still friends?" She timidly asked.

"I will always consider you my friend Dr. Fowler."

"And you will always be my friend Dr. Cooper." She said as she reached and gave him a peck on the cheek. "You know... you can be really sweet when you want to."

"I know." Sheldon stated.

She chuckled as they walked through the doors. They both walked towards the restrooms. Amy entered the ladies room to put some water on her face. Sheldon stayed outside, pulled some disinfectant wipes out of his pocket and cleaned his hands and face.

Penny saw the two walking in and made her way to the restroom corridor as well. She found Sheldon standing outside the Men's room.

"Everything ok Sheldon?" She asked.

"Yes Penny. Everything is fine. Amy and I are no longer in a relationship as I suspect you were already made aware of."

"I'm sorry Sheldon. We are friends and I wanted to warn you but I promised Amy I would let her tell you herself."

"I understand Penny. You're a good friend to both me and Amy and I did not mean to make you uncomfortable earlier. Thank you for all your help and for driving me here."

"That's what friends do silly." She gave him an affectionate rub on both arms. She didn't dare look up. She was already getting emotional.

"Please go sit at your table before I start crying." she pleaded. "I'll go check on Amy". She rushed through the door before her tears came out. "Damn lovable nerd." she thought.

She approached Amy who was splashing water on her face. She pulled 5 or 6 tissues out of the box next to her and offered them to Amy. She then pulled out a couple more and wiped her own tears away. She wanted to ask Amy how it went but she also wanted to give her time to cool down."

"Everything ok?" Penny asked.

"Yeah... I'm fine... I will be fine." She said as she was padding her face with the tissues.

"Sheldon seemed ok."

"He's a great guy. I think he suspected what I was going to tell him."

"I didn't tell him."

"I know you didn't Penny. I mean he figured it out on his own."

"He's a smart guy."

"Not only smart. He's very perceptive as well. You know, I offered to sign a resolution of our stupid relationship contract but he said it wasn't necessary. I think he didn't want to pour more salt on the wound."

"Wow."

"We didn't even discuss my new job. It didn't seem necessary. I didn't have to explain anything."

"Nicely done doctor whack-a-doodle." Penny thought and smiled. "He may be human after all."

"How do I look?" Amy asked.

"You look good... Now, let's go. Sheldon is all alone out there. He's going to start telling people how to do their job soon."

They both walked out to join Sheldon at their regular table. Amy sat down next to him.

You guys want some drinks while you wait?

"Fine. I'll have a diet virgin cuba libre. Amy?"

"I think I want a... how about a Mojito?" Amy decides, thinking how much she liked the one she had earlier today.

"Amy? Seriously? You will be moving to the capital of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts soon. Perhaps you should familiarize yourself with the state drink of your future home. Cranberry juice." Sheldon interjected.

"Ok" Amy said wanting to accommodate some of Sheldon's quirkiness one more time.

"Don't worry, I'll slutty it up." Penny whispered in her ear. "I'll go get them drinks." Penny said and walked towards the bar.

Amy was still a bit apprehensive about talking to Sheldon. She didn't want to become emotional and start crying again. "The rest of the gang should be here soon." She said nervously.

Sheldon was never good at idle chit chat. The first thing on his mind was how to minimize the disruption Amy's departure would bring to their group's social dynamics. He needed to find a way to quickly discharge the negative energy such news would bring.

"Would you like me to break the news of your departure to them?" Sheldon asked.

Amy thought about it for a while. She knew this was his way of trying to be helpful "Ok Sheldon. Thank you."

"You know you haven't even told me anything about your new job." Sheldon was primarily fishing for more details to pass to their friends as efficiently as possible but he was also a little curious himself.

Penny showed up with their drinks.

"I was about to tell Sheldon about my new job."

"You know she is going to be the boss?" Penny asked Sheldon.

"I will not be the boss. It's a huge organization. I will just lead a team of 5 researchers. That's all."

Sheldon was genuinely impressed. "It's the next logical step up in your career, Amy." He offered. "You should have grabbed the opportunity as soon as it presented itself. I do not understand your reservations at all."

"There are other things besides a career to consider, Sheldon." Amy said and took a sip from her juice. She got a funny look on her face and looked up at Penny. Penny mouthed the word 'vodka' exaggerating the movement of her lips. Amy smiled at her bestie.

"Other things are irrelevant. You cannot put your personal selfish needs above the potential benefits your research may provide to the whole human race."

"My research is not as important as you make it sound Sheldon."

"Still, the needs of many outweigh the needs of one"

"She's taking the job Sheldon." Penny jumped in. "She is just sad to leave all her friends behind. Wouldn't you miss us if you left us all behind to go win your Nobel prize?"

"I understand." Sheldon said in a softer voice.

Leonard walked in with only Howard and Bernadette. They sat down at the table. "Raj would not come out with us tonight." Leonard offered. "He's embarrassed about something."

"His injury was not that severe. It looks worse than it is. He should be fine in a couple of days" Sheldon stated calmly.

"What injury?" Amy asked.

Howard immediately jumped in interrupting Sheldon who was about to explain Raj's injury and offer his diagnosis. "He just got his ego hurt a bit. He will be fine. Let's not talk about the poor guy behind his back."

Sheldon stood up. "Before we order I have an announcement to make".

"Let them order first, Sheldon." Penny suggested.

"Yes." Amy said.

Sheldon sat back down. "Fine..." He sighed. "I'll have my usual, Penny."

Penny went around taking everyone's order. As soon as she left to get their drinks Sheldon was up on his feet again.

"Amy and I are no longer in a relationship." He started. "She is relocating to Boston to head a team in a big research organization."

The rest took their time to absorb the news. They were not sure how to react. Should they be happy or should they be sad.

Sheldon decided to push them in the right direction. "Well congratulate Amy, people. This is a big step for her." Amy smiled and everyone offered their congratulations. Bernadette who was sitting next to Amy pulled her friend close and hugged her. "Are you ok?" she whispered in her ear. "I'm fine. I'm fine." Amy whispered back.

Bernadette released Amy from her arms. "We're all going to miss you." she said speaking for everyone.

"I'm going to miss you too guys." Amy said as Penny got back with their drinks.

"Did you know already?" Bernadette asked Penny.

"She told me earlier this afternoon. We're taking her shopping for pant suits before she leaves. She's going to be ordering people around over there." Penny told Bernadette providing some comic relief for everyone.

The atmosphere throughout their dinner was quite pleasant. Leonard and Howard privately discussed whether they should ask Sheldon how he was holding up but they chose not to. There was no weird vibe present and they did not want to tempt their fate. They would get a chance to talk to him later or tomorrow at work.

The dinner service was winding down and they decided it was time to go. Amy insisted she paid for everything to celebrate her new position. The rest reluctantly accepted and thanked Amy for the dinner as well as the great time they had. The three girls set up a shopping date and Leonard left with Howard and Bernadette.

"Let's go Sheldon. Let me drive you home one last time." Amy offered.

They both walked outside. The evening air coming down from the foothills felt crisp and rejuvenating.

Sheldon sat down on one of the benches outside. He was enjoying the purity of the atmosphere. Amy was standing next to him "You're going to do great Amy." He said softly.

"Aren't you coming? I'm happy to drive you."

"I'd rather stay here a bit longer. Everything feels so pure... I'll probably walk home. It's only a 30 minute walk, depending on my pace. Stay, keep me company for a while if you want."

Amy sat down next to him on the bench. This was a side of Sheldon she never experienced before. They sat there in silence for a while. They were both thinking of the good times they had together. After a while Sheldon spoke. "I hope I'll be a better friend than I was a boyfriend". He was almost laughing.

"Are you thinking of all the crazy things we went through as well?" She asked starting to grin.

"I take it you're doing the same." Sheldon grinned back.

"Ahaha. What were we thinking Sheldon?" Amy started laughing out loud.

"Well... you wanted... you know and I wanted... you know." Sheldon was laughing as well.

"Two crazy doctors giving it a shot... We never had a chance." Amy concluded.

"I am not crazy, my mother had me tested." Sheldon corrected but this time he was not serious about the matter.

"You're too much my friend. You can make some lucky girl very happy if you wanted."

"I'm sure your soul mate is waiting for you in Boston"

"That is such a nice thing to say."

"It's true."

They sat there for another minute or so before Amy got up. "I think I'm going to go now. Are you sure I can't give you a lift?"

"I'm ok. Have a good night Amy."

"You too Sheldon" She said as she bent to give Sheldon a peck on the cheek one last time. "We'll stay in touch."

"Of course."

Amy walked to her car and drove off waving at Sheldon as she passed by. Sheldon looked up at the sky for a second before closing his eyes.

His time with Amy made him realize that he was too quick to dismiss social and personal relationships as unnecessary obstacles in his path to greatness.

He was always aware of his social ineptitude and caring for them helped him work on overcoming his shortcoming. Not only that. He genuinely enjoyed caring for his friends. And now that Amy was leaving he only had Penny and Leonard to care for.

He sensed a presence near and when he opened his eyes he saw Penny smiling down at him.

"You shouldn't sneak up on people like that. You're going to give someone a heart attack."

"You looked so peaceful, lost in your thoughts. I didn't want to disturb you"

Sheldon's features softened. "I'm sorry. You startled me. That's all." he said showing a degree of empathy Penny was not used to.

Penny sat down next to him. "Are you sure you're all right Sheldon? You seem a bit different today."

"Different?"

"Like just now. You apologized for being a little harsh on me."

He took some time to think. "I did not want to upset you." He said candidly. "When you came, I was thinking that now that Amy is leaving I will only have two friends, you and Leonard, to really care for." He did not try to hide or disguise his feelings.

Penny was overwhelmed by his admission. She was glad he was not looking at her. Penny's own feelings for her friend were swelling up inside her. She was afraid she could lose control if she continued down this road. She stood up wiping her tears away. "Come on. Let's go home."

"I was thinking of walking home."

"Are you sure? It's really late."

"Yes. I'm not very tired and I made up my mind to take a walk already."

"Ok Sheldon. Enjoy your walk."

"Thank you. Goodnight."

"Will you do me favor when you get back?"

"Hm hm"

"Please knock on my door to let me know you got back safe."

"Ok."

"Goodnight Sheldon."

Penny walked to her car and moments later she was passing in front of Sheldon on her way out of the parking lot. Her face was illuminated by the panel of her car and the warning light that was always on. Sheldon smiled and got up.

45 minutes later he lightly knocked three times on Penny's door. He didn't call out her name. He wasn't trying to get in. Everything else in the building was deadly quiet.

"Sheldon?" He heard Penny's voice coming from the other side.

They both had an ear almost touching the door.

"Yes, it's me. I made it back ok. Thank you for waiting up on me."

"Sheldon?"

"Yes?"

"I care about you too."

Penny waited a few seconds "Sweet dreams." she added.


	5. Chapter 5

**[I went back and rewrote these next two chapters making everyone more rational. As it turned out having the characters think and not just run on their hormones produces a pretty boring story line. Reintroducing Christopher in 5 and and an insight into Raj's mind in 6. Removed all additional pairings]**

Leonard was standing behind the kitchen counter wiping his glasses when Sheldon walked in.

"Sheldon! I was beginning to worry about you. I was thinking of calling Penny."

"I walked home."

"All the way from the Cheesecake Factory? That's a long walk. You should have called me to come pick you up."

"My choice was deliberate Leonard. I had other means of transportation available to me."

Leonard wasn't sure whether his roommate's behavior was normal or not. He seemed fine on the outside. "Are you ok? You know, with Amy leaving and all."

"I am perfectly fine. Please do not start interpreting all of my actions as consequences of Amy's departure."

"Well, give me something to help me understand. " Leonard pressed on. "Open up a little." He knew that if Sheldon was going to have a meltdown it would have happened already but he also got this crazy notion in his head that most serial killers probably 'seemed fine on the outside'.

Sheldon detested being forced to participate but he decided the easiest way to get Leonard to stop pestering him was to disclose some of his private thoughts on the matter. He observed others do that and it seemed to put people at ease on matters they did not comprehend.

"I am undecided on how to fill in the gaps Amy's departure will leave in my day-to-day schedule. I am also concerned how our current social interactions will be affected. Even more so in the event of additional nonattendance by other members of our group. Like Rajesh's absence from out latest outing."

Sheldon was reading Leonard facial expression which appeared to be turning into a faint smile and decided his words were indeed calming him down. He quickly decided to take it one step further. "What are your thoughts on the matter?" He asked.

He was not interested in Leonard's answer. He only asked to give Leonard the sense that he was letting him in. And that's what he had accomplished. He was fascinated with how well he steered Leonard's thought process to the place he wanted. His moral code did not object. He was not lying to him and he was probably saving Leonard considerable hassle of his own.

Sheldon's question caught Leonard by surprise. "Hmm... let's see... gaps and absent people… I know. Why don't you get a new girlfriend? Solve both problems at once." Leonard suggested with a hefty dose of irony.

"That is surprisingly ingenious Leonard." Said Sheldon his face lighting up with the success of his thought steering experiment. He decided the phenomenon warranted further examination. Not that social sciences held any merit on their own. They did not. In this case, however, 3 seconds of his time now saved him who knows how many minutes of Leonard nuisance.

"Insensitive, considering how recent my break up with Amy was but ingenious none the less." He added after finally deciding to analyze Leonard's remark. It seemed wrong to ask something knowing beforehand he was going to ignore any answer.

Leonard was fairly certain his roommate was ok now so he wasn't going to allow his 'insensitive' comment pass unchallenged. "What do you mean recent? I naturally assumed a man of your considerable intellect would be able to recover from a break up much faster. And it appears I was right."

Sheldon saw through all that however and jumped to the end. "Sarcasm?" He asked triumphantly.

"Yes Sheldon."

"I'm getting really good at detecting it."

"Yes Sheldon"

"Because your inquiry into my mental state when I came back indicated that you did not 'assume' I had already overcome any troubles my breakup might have caused."

"I know Sheldon. "

Leonard decided he had enough of his roommate for one night. "I'm going to bed Sheldon. We've got work tomorrow." He dragged his feet on his way to his room.

Sheldon stayed there amused. Leonard was being sarcastic but the truth was that he did go through a break up today and he managed to handle himself a whole lot better than Leonard ever did. Then he thought about he's newly discovered power. The one he used on Leonard just now. He had shown him something Leonard wasn't used to and he was drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

He recalled the two previous instances he disclosed his private thoughts tonight, with Penny and Amy. In those two instances he wasn't being deliberate. It felt natural, organic to contribute to their joined experience.

He understood what made him react is such fashion to Leonard. It was a conscious defense to the thread of endless whining and pestering. He had more difficulty identifying the trigger for the other two occasions. He knew it had something to do with feelings. Not thoughts. What he was feeling at the moment or what he perceived the other person was feeling or possibly both.

Sheldon decided he better get ready for bed before tackling this new puzzle.

..

Penny woke up really late next morning. A usual byproduct of a double shift the day before. She was trying to get out of bed when her phone rang. It was Bernadette. Penny clicked answer and let her head fall back on the pillow bringing the phone close to her ear.

"Good morning, Penny"

"Good morning, Bee"

"Are you at work?"

"Running a bit late."

"Wanna do lunch?"

"No work today?"

"They sent me to this boring seminar. It's supposed to last all day but people are already bailing out. They're giving away an xbox when it's over to keep more people here. I don't think there will be anyone left to claim it."

"Drop by whenever. Slow shift. You remember."

"Ok. I'll see you later."

After listening to Bernadette's voice Penny was fully awake. She jumped in and out of the shower at lightning speed, put on her uniform and rushed out the door. She would fix her hair and makeup at the traffic lights.

She was at work less than 20 minutes late. Not that anyone noticed. There were only a handful of customers and they were taken care of. The manager was in his office doing paper work. She stepped into the bathroom to check her appearance on something bigger than the rear view mirror of her car. She re-tied her ponytail, got back and sat on a stool by the bar waiting for someone new to serve. As soon as she sat down the only other waitress gave her a nod and went outside for a smoke.

She thought about the full day she had yesterday with all the Amy drama. If nothing else those two together sure were entertaining. She was going to miss having their craziness around. Sheldon will still be here but making fun of him on his own did not feel right. He was still full of surprises but not the wacky kind anymore. Penny was starting to see the loving and caring side of him. According to Amy, he also had a romantic side which Penny could not wrap her head around. "Then again what's one more surprise?" She thought.

Bernadette showed up an hour after her call. She greeted Penny and then made her round saying hello to her former coworkers in the kitchen and the back office. Everyone was excited to see her. Some were envious, some were proud. She was a success story and an inspiration to them because almost everyone there was working their way to some better future. She was a great example of what was possible. She finished school, got a great job and her husband was an astronaut. She sat in her former manager's office for a few minutes catching up with him. When she got back to the dining area she found Penny behind the bar getting a glass of water.

"Boss said I can have anything I wanted. On the house." she told Penny smiling.

"Well? What will it be missy?"

"Hmm. Just some water please. I had coffee and pastries at the seminar. I was going to stay for another session but the only other person I knew there decided to leave so I took off as well."

Penny poured her a glass of water. "So today you're getting paid to go to a hotel, sit around and eat pastries. Nice gig."

"They will serve lunch as well." Bernadette teased smiling.

"Ha. I'm glad you thought of me stuck here with no customers on such a trying day for you." Penny laughed watching Bernadette absorb her sarcasm. They loved teasing each other.

"I was here too. Remember? I know what it's like."

"But you got out…"

"So will you."

"I'm not sure about that anymore, Bernie. My acting gigs are not picking up."

"So what... If that doesn't work out you try something else. You're young, you're smart, you're gorgeous. There's nothing holding you back. Come on. Don't try to make me feel bad for you because I am not."

"I know, I know. I just need some encouragement and a slight push in the right direction."

"Well, you let me know when and I'll come push you all you want. "

"Thanks Bernie. You're awesome."

"What are you worried about? You've got all the time in the world. Settling down was good for me but I got lucky I found Howard. And even so, sometimes, I am jealous of your freedom. You've seen Howard's mother. You know what I mean." She started laughing.

Penny was laughing too as she got up to wait on some new customers. "I'll be right back." She said.

Penny was glad all her friends were there for her. Sheldon and Amy and now Bernadette. Each in his or her own way offered the same encouragement and the same advice.

"If you want something done then just do it, you idiot." Penny though as she approached the customer's table, smiling.

She got back to Bernadette after a couple of minutes. "Are you sure you don't want anything else?" She asked.

"No. I'm good. I was thinking… maybe after you're done here we should swing by Amy's work and kidnap her for a shopping spree. I mean we set up our get-together for Saturday morning but who's stopping us for having a practice run today as well? What do you think?"

"Yeah. We can't send her to Boston with her current wardrobe. We'll go look today and by Saturday we'll talk her into it."

"I'll text her later to make sure she's in. She said Friday would be her last day there."

"Cool."

Bernadette changed the subject. "So, how are you and Leonard doing?"

"You probably saw him more than me last night. We were supposed to spend time together the night before but that Raj thing happened."

"Oh, right. One of Raj's usual meltdowns."

"I was a bit disappointed he left me behind to go help his friend but you know how they are."

"I was actually glad to get Howard off my back for the night." Bernadette admitted. "I guess that's the difference between just dating and being married." she laughed.

"Oh, come on. Your life is not that boring Bernadette."

"Compared to other marriages, I don't know, but compared to my life before marriage. Ha. No comparison." Bernadette's mind drifted and a veil of melancholy transformed her smile. "Yup. I was a dynamite and now I'm a yuppie." She confessed in her thoughts.

"Actually, now that I think about it, I kind of wished I went out with Howard as well to rescue Raj and Leonard. We haven't gone out-out in a while now."

"I think it was the other way around. Leonard went to rescue Raj and Howard. At least that's what Leonard told me."

"Hmm, Raj must have done something really embarrassing for those two to cover it up like this. Probably the reason why he didn't join us for dinner last night. Although Sheldon seemed to know what happened to him. Odd."

"I guess."

"He's weird, that one. I mean I feel sorry for the guy but come on. Buy him a hooker or something."

"Beeee? I think Howard is rubbing off on you. That's what I think." Penny laughed.

"Damn it. I think you're right. I am turning into Howard. Oh well… True love and all that jazz." She was laughing too.

Penny thought for a second on how Sheldon's behavior was rubbing on her and not Leonard's but those thoughts went away when she noticed Christopher walk in. She looked at the clock on the wall. "1:30 already." She thought and she jumped off her stool to get to him before the other waitress was done with the table she was serving now.

"Back in a sec." she told Bernadette and walked over to Christopher.

Bernadette turned around to watch the dining area and noticed where Penny was headed. And then her sight caught Christopher. She swallowed hard and stopped breathing for a few heart beats until her eyesight had absorbed enough of him in. She couldn't remember the last time she saw such a specimen of a man outside of movies. Then there was Penny talking to him.

Suddenly they both turned and looked at her. He smiled and turned back to Penny continuing their conversation. Where they talking about her? Bernadette couldn't wait for Penny to get back and explain. Oh how she wished she was seating closer by.

Penny came back smiling but before she could start talking Bernadette began. "Who is that?"

"Nice… huh?"

"Are you kidding me? Hubba hubba! What is he, a movie star or something? A model? He's not gay is he? I don't care. He is gorgeous."

"Will you relax? What's gotten into you? You're a married woman for Christ's sake." Penny was having too much fun teasing Bernadette. "No he's not a movie star or a model and he's definitely not gay. And stop staring at the guy like a 12-year-old looks at Beiber. He's going to notice."

"I don't care."

"Well that would be awkward because he asked me if you would like to join him."

"Wha?" Bernadette was confused.

"He's sort of a regular customer. I sometimes sit and talk with him when there's not a lot of work. I told him about my friend being here. You. If you wouldn't mind he would appreciate your company."

"Is he married?" Bernadette blurred out.

"What? No, and what does it matter. You are. Remember?" Penny paused for a second hoping Bernadette will compose herself. She has seen the same reaction many times before. "Well? Are we going there or not?"

"Go. Go." Bernadette almost screamed as she jumped off her stool waiting for Penny to take the lead.

When they got to his table he stood up and offered Bernadette a seat. "Tall" She thought. She felt all her senses going to full alert. Was her heart beating faster? Was her face turning red? Were her ears getting hotter? Was she perspiring more in all sorts of places. She couldn't keep up.

Penny introduced the two and he reached and shook Bernadette's hand. She was still confused by what was happening. Penny was clearly comfortable with him but all her brain was capable of was producing pure dirty thoughts with him starring. It wasn't just that he was a Greek god. The whole setting resembled that of a date. She has never been alone with a stranger like this ever since she got with Howard. And this was definitely not Howard. "Penny is right. I turned into a sack of hormones." Bernadette thought trying to compose herself. She had to file any fantasies she came up with in her brain somewhere and use them with her Howie when she got the chance.

"I hope I didn't overstep my bounds by asking you to join me. Penny told me she had company today and I didn't want to keep you two apart by monopolizing her time." Christopher smiled looking up at Penny.

"Oh. We see each other all the time." Bernadette offered not quite sure what the point of her remark was.

"Perhaps we can entice her with a seat later on then. "

"Oh yeah. I'm coming back." Penny said.

"Would you like something to eat? A drink perhaps?"

"Oh no. I'm fine"

"Please get something. Anything. You don't have to eat it. You can just play with it while I eat. I would feel very uncomfortable if you were just seating there looking at me as I was eating."

Penny could sense Bernadette couldn't relax. It was partly her fault because she told him to be polite to Bernadette but she said it as a joke. She didn't know he would take her words so literally. He was pouring civility on a bit too thick. She suppressed a chuckle. "Why don't I get us each a hamburger? I can take a ten minute break to finish it with you guys. We need lunch anyway Bee."

"Ok" said Bernadette.

"Excellent." Christopher said.

Penny wasn't sure she should leave Bernadette alone just yet but she decided to try it anyway. The worst that could happen would be another weirdness story to tell. "Be right back." She said and left. "Let's see if Christopher is as good at making friends as he says." She thought and smiled.

"So, how do you know Penny, Bernadette?" Christopher asked looking at her fingers that were fidgeting on the tablecloth. She noticed him and moved her hands under the table immediately cursing her reaction that revealed her anxiety.

"Shit." Bernadette thought. She decided to make a preemptive strike "I'm just preoccupied with other things. I'm sorry. I'm usually better company."

Christopher smiled. "I wasn't going to say anything. " He offered. "And please, Bernadette, don't apologize. I'm the one who interrupted your meeting. It was a bit forward of me to ask. "

"No, please. I'm not nervous anymore. I'm ok now. "

"Well, if you want to know… You're infinitely better company than my usual. In fact she's here right now and she's not offering anything to our conversation although that might be because you're sitting on her."

Bernadette smiled.

"See. I make lame jokes and I'm not nervous or anything." Christopher smiled back.

"True." Bernadette agreed

"True my jokes are lame?" Christopher chuckled.

"No." Bernadette said but then added "Well, yes. That too." She chuckled as well.

Christopher leaned in and whispered "Usually, I'm a lot less formal and a lot less polite but Penny asked me to be nice."

She was beginning to feel comfortable. "That's just weird. What does that even mean? Are you not nice most of the time." She teased.

"Well she said 'polite'. I assume she wants me to be friendlier than my usual. How am I doing so far?"

"Good. Good."

She remembered what he asked before the whole nervousness sidetrack "I used to work here with Penny. My husband is friends with her neighbors."

"Oh, you must be Howard's wife then."

Bernadette looked surprised. "Did he meet Howard here? Or at Penny's?" She thought. Her mind wasn't completely rational but she needed some answers.

Christopher understood her surprise. He expected it. "I know a little bit about Penny's situation. About 'her boys' as she puts it across the hall and their friends. Penny never mentioned you by name."

"But she did mention I was married to Howard?"

"Among other things."

"Like what things?" Bernadette was curious.

"Let's wait for Penny to get back. I don't want to tell on her." He laughed.

"Oh. I'm going to kill her." Bernadette faked being angry at Penny but she was actually flattered she was the subject of their conversation.

"How long have you known Penny?" Bernadette asked just as Penny returned with bread, a salad and a bottle of water.

Christopher looked up at Penny "I first met her more than six months ago but we hardly ever talked at the beginning."

"He orders by numbers" Penny offered raising one eyebrow.

Christopher laughed. "Those numbers was the reason I came back a second time."

"Oh my God!" Penny burst out in fake shock. "You're even weirder than I previously thought." Penny was starting to crack up.

"And believe me, she knows weird." Bernadette joined in shaking her head pointing towards Penny implying she was the weird one. She started laughing herself.

"Yeah. From hanging out with you people." Penny shot back.

Bernadette stopped for a second to catch her breath. "You told him to be polite?" She started laughing again "What the hell, Penny?"

"Hey, why did you tell her?"

"Too much nervous energy was building up. We needed to dump it somewhere..." Christopher joked, setting up Penny's response.

"Oh. So you dumped it on me". Penny provided the expected answer and everyone's laughter got a bit louder.

"You're the one who assumed I had special needs or something." Bernadette offered still laughing.

"Oh yeah. You don't know how he is Bee. Why don't you tell her how you shut poor Laura down when those cops went by?" She asked turning to Christopher.

"Hey, you've already teased me about that." Christopher protested still smiling.

He briefly described the incident to Bernadette. Which was not much of an incident but he did admit that those two cops were spiting images of Erik Estrada and the other one.

"Ha ha. Oh my God. That's evil." Bernadette said.

"See." Penny said happy now that Bernadette was on her side.

Christopher graciously started laughing at his past behavior and the other two joined in.

"I'll go get the food. Anyone need anything else?" Penny asked after a while.

She realized she was deliberately using bad English the way she usually did to antagonize Sheldon.

"That was weird" she thought on her way to the kitchen. Then the fact that she thought about it seemed even weirder. "Perhaps it's all the talking about weirdness." She thought and smiled.

"Well, anyhow." Christopher continued answering Bernadette's original question. "It wasn't until I left my job a couple of month backs that Penny and I talked about anything other than my lunch order. I stopped bringing work associates with me and Penny was easy to talk to."

"That she is. She's a very good listener." Bernadette agreed. "But she's an aspiring star, God bless her." she continued as Penny approached bringing their food. "She should become a therapist to the stars instead." Bernadette added.

"Who should?" Penny asked getting only the tail of their conversation.

"You should!"

Are you two talking about me behind my back?

"Same thing you've been doing apparently?" Bernadette pointed at Christopher.

He raised both palms off the table "I said nothing." He said smiling at Penny.

"What did you tell him about me?" Bernadette asked pretending to be upset.

"I will tell you later." Penny whispered in her ear pretending she didn't want Christopher to hear her.

Bernadette finally managed to get rid of all the lust Christopher's exterior was generating and began to look at him as a regular mortal friend of Penny's.

"You two start I'm going to have one more pass at the other tables." Penny said as she walked away.

Bernadette offered her fries to Christopher but he insisted to trade for them with some of his salad. She picked up her burger with her hand to take a bite but noticed that Christopher put his knife and fork back on his plate. She decided to put her burger down as well and wait for Penny to return.

Penny got back and looked at their plates. "I told you two to start eating. Now dig in."

"Want some fries or some salad?" Christopher asked.

"No I'm good. Thanks. I didn't get any for me on purpose."

"Bon appétit, then. " He said and they all started.

They kept mostly quiet with Penny glancing around to see if any customer needed help and Christopher filling in their glasses with water. Surprisingly by the time the two women finished their burgers, Christopher was done with his steak and trimmings, the extra salad, Bernadette's fries and the bread.

Bernadette noticed that and couldn't help but comment. "I can't believe you finished all that in the time it took us to eat a burger."

"One of the results of Officer Candidate School training I'm afraid. " Christopher replied. "I have to think about it and force myself to slow down most of the time."

"What's officer…?" Penny asked.

"Army training. Like basic training but you end up an officer, not a private soldier." Christopher answered trying to make the explanation as simple as possible.

"We were only given 5 minutes for each meal." Christopher continued "If you were a slow eater you didn't finish but if you were fast enough you could get second servings."

"That sounds terrible." Penny commented.

"It was for the slow ones. You needed all the calories you could take. Having to run everywhere, walking not allowed and what not."

Both women were intrigued by their peak into an existence so much different from their own.

"I don't think I would have ever imagined anything like that taking place." Penny admitted

"It's unfortunate but you have to train for war the same way you train for anything else."

"Perhaps we got used to sunny California." Bernadette offered.

They talked about their shielded existence for a while and how wars were fought by mercenaries and corporations in foreign lands and for reasons just as foreign. How much differently society reacted to the Vietnam War compared to the more recent US conflicts. Penny and Bernadette didn't do much talking but they were both captivated Christopher's ideas and insight.

Penny got up again as customers started asking for their check. A couple of minutes later Christopher also decided he was taking off. He thanked both women for their company and their laughter and left leaving two $50 bills to cover his check.

After he was gone Penny returned and discovered the cash he left behind. "That guy has no concept what a meal here costs."

"I noticed." Bernadette said. "He pulled the notes out of his wallet and stuck them in there without even looking."

"So. What did you think of him?"

"You know... He's dreamy to look at but you know what I enjoyed most about him?"

"What?"

"I actually had a grownup conversation about something. Anything. "

"Ha." Penny replied. "Are you telling me you don't discuss world affairs with your astronaut hubby all the time? "

Bernadette rolled her eyes. "We're surrounded by oversized babies. Lasers and phazers and starships and gliders… oh my God. Grrr. Why did I have to remember those now?" Bernadette hit her head on the back of her hands on the table. "I used to listen to the news. I was a nerd too but I knew what was going on around me. Look at me now. " She raised her head and slammed it back down again.

"Ok… people are going to notice…." Penny said smiling.

Bernadette's mind wondered back to his appearance. "He was in the Army. I knew those muscles had to come from somewhere."

"Not the US Army." Penny clarified smiling at the pending surprise.

"What?"

"Yup. He's not even American."

"Shut up!" Bernadette was surprised alright. "He's got to be like the most fascinating son of a bitch I ever met."

"I know, right? He's up there with Sheldon. You should hear some of his stories from his travels." Penny added.

"I'm going to start hitting my head again." Bernadette said more to make a point than anything else.

"You know. I look at him and I look at Amy now going to Boston and I think I'm glad I left Nebraska. Even if it doesn't lead to a career in Hollywood and even if I end up back there…" and then she remembered "I'm done here in a second. Come on, call Amy."


	6. Chapter 6

It was 10 o'clock in the morning and Rajesh was skipping work. He called in sick. He was sitting on the couch in his apartment holding a box of Carefree pantiliners instead. Cinnamon, his Yorkshire terrier, was dozing off on the cushion next to him. Ten minutes ago he was considering this a new low in his life but the more he looked at the box the more satisfied he became with his accomplishment.

..

It all started when he managed to give himself a perfectly circular shiner two nights back. At first, he did not think much of it but as the next morning progressed he could sense his black eye was attracting considerable attention from everyone around him. The extra scrutiny he was getting, especially scrutiny from the opposite sex, was making him very uncomfortable but one way or another, he was handling it. At least he thought he did. Stare by stare his anxiety was building up inside and then it happened. One of them tried talking to him in the cafeteria. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. His embarrassment surged and he run off and drove straight to his apartment where he indented to stay until his face returned to normal.

He refused to go out for dinner with his friends in the evening. He could not tolerate another female asking him about his health. When Leonard came by, Rajesh tried hiding his bruise by wearing a pair of sunglasses. After gauging his friend's reaction, however, he decided he better stay home instead. He reasoned sunglasses would make the situation worse. Instead of getting looks from people concerned about his well-being he would get looks from people that thought he was a tool for wearing sunglasses at night.

After Leonard left he came up with a more tolerable solution to his problem. All he needed was some makeup. If he could cover up his bruise he could even go to work tomorrow. The only problem with his new idea was he had no makeup. He knew he needed some heavy duty concealer but procuring some would take some scheming.

Going to the nearest pharmacy was out of the question. It was bad enough he was trying to buy something so feminine. He would be ten times more self-conscious if he knew there was a chance he would run into the people he dealt with in the future. No he definitely could not try any store nearby.

He decided to investigate what he was after on the Internet. One thing became obvious very quickly. He had no idea what color he needed. Every brand had a whole set of different pigments and pallets with myriads of names which created more confusion than offered any help to aid his choice. According to what he read he had to match the color of the concealer to the underside of his forearm. He stood in front of the mirror holding up his hand next to his eye trying to see which part was closer to the color he was seeking. He grabbed his sunglasses and walked out of his apartments not even acknowledging Cinnamon's excitement when he opened the door. He would figure the rest out in his car.

He got on the highway going east. It was almost two in the morning when he pulled into the Walmart parking lot in San Bernardino. He decided to pretend he was a person going to the store when his girlfriend calls and asks him to pick a few thinks for her. "Yeah. I can pull that off." He imagined as he entered the store taking a deep breath.

Luckily there were not a lot of people in the place. He walked fairly quickly down the main aisle pretending he knew what he was after. The last thing he needed was an employee asking him if he wanted any help. When he got two-thirds down the middle corridor he was satisfied he was far away from anyone else and he turned into one of the side isles. He was at the outdoor sports section. He grabbed 3 bags of paintballs figuring they could pass as something someone needed at two in the morning if he was planning to go play tomorrow. He put his phone next to his ear and acted as if he was talking to someone on it as he made his way back to the front of the store.

"Yes, Honey. Ok…."

"Yeah. I'm at Walmart now..."

"They have those here?"

"Ok. Anything else…"

"Ok. I'm stopping for gas afterwords."

"30 minutes."

"Bye."

Rajesh was satisfied the conversation with his imaginary girlfriend he just performed sounded authentic. He even changed the look on his face halfway through his act to what he thought a boyfriend having to do a chore for his girlfriend would look like.

He grabbed a can of spray paint for barbecue grills he happened to be standing next to, thinking just paintballs was not a good enough reason. As he made his way back down the aisle he realized he needed something else to make sure the cashier had a clear idea that he was shopping for two and not getting the makeup for himself. The idea made his heart beat faster. It was bad enough he had sunglasses on.

He walked up and down the aisles still pretending he knew where he was going while looking for something only a woman would use. A few trips up and down later, he came across what he thought suited his search criteria perfectly. Carefree acti-fresh body shape pantiliners. He grabbed a package and made his way to the makeup counter in the pharmacy section.

He made a quick pass through the pharmacy part. Unfortunately there was a woman shopping in there so he could not stop for a closer look. He would have to circle around and come back in a couple of minutes. He needed to stop and compare his skin tone to the color samples hanging there but to do that he had to make sure there was no one else around. If his girlfriend sent him it was with a specific order. He could not be seen making the decision himself.

He made a second attempt a couple of minutes later. He got to the color charts but he realized they were not for concealers. He identified a rack at the corner with what appeared to be a color chart as well but as he walked there he saw another woman walking towards the same corner from the other side. He panicked and turned and walked out of the pharmacy.

He would have waited a couple more minutes and made another attempt but he noticed an employee walk in there and get behind the counter. He had everything in his hands and even though they were not particularly heavy, the sweat in his palms was making holding onto them uncomfortable. Clearly this was not going to happen he theorized and made his way to the registers. There was only one open and the cashier was female. She was in her early twenties and fairly cute and unluckily for Rajesh there was no one else in line which gave her more time to talk to him.

"This looks like fun." she said as she started moving the items over the scanner.

"Hmm." Rajesh replied without understanding what she was talking about.

"I never tried it myself but some friends of mine went there and they had a blast."

"Hmm Hmm."

"You're over 18 right?" She asked.

"What?" Rajesh thought. All he could master was another "Hmm Hmm".

"Your total comes to 32.85." She said as she put everything in a bag.

He handed her a pair of $20 bills and as soon as she placed the change back in his hand he grabbed the plastic bag and run out.

As soon as the cool air filled his lungs he slowed down. He walked to his car thinking this is another place he could not set foot in again. "And what was she going on about?" he wondered. He put the bag on the passenger seat, got in and looked at what he bought. Her words were making sense now. She was talking about paintballing being fun as she scanned the balls and she asked if he was over 18 when she was scanning the spray can. He was really happy she didn't say anything about the other item.

..

He put the box down on the coffee table. Yes, he acted like an idiot and he did not get the concealer he wanted but he did bye pantliners. "And that is something to be proud of. Isn't it, Cinnamon?" He said looking at his dog. Just then his phone rang startling both of them. The call was from Amy.

"Hello Rajesh."

"Hello Amy"

"We missed you last night."

"Yes. Something came up."

"I wanted to see you as well. As I told the rest of the gang I'm moving soon. I wanted to say goodbye in person."

"Oh. Wow. Big news. Looks like I picked the wrong night to stay in."

"What time will you be back home? I was thinking of dropping by if you don't mind. I'd hate to leave without seeing you again."

He considered her question for a second. He did not have any problem with Amy seeing him in his current state. Or the rest of his friends for that matter. "I didn't go to work this morning. I'll be home all day. Drop by any time you want."

"Ok. Cool. Probably sometime in the afternoon then. Ok?"

"Ok. See you then."

"Bye"

"Wow! Amy is leaving…" Rajesh thought as soon as they hang up.

"I wonder how Sheldon handled it." He told Cinnamon. She did not seem to care.

..

Five or so hours later, Amy was sitting at her desk at work, her phone in her hand. It was mid afternoon and she was debating whether she should stay there a while longer or just leave to go see Rajesh. There was nothing more to take care of at work until she heard back from the lawyers or the accountants of the parent company that was financing her current research. She wasn't going to sit around. Those people would take days to figure things out. She decided to go to the bathroom and then leave.

Just as she got up her cellphone started ringing. She sat back down.

"Hello" she answered.

"Hello Amy, how are you."

"Hello Bernadette. Good. How are you?"

"Are you doing anything right now?"

"I'm sitting at work waiting to hear back from the Accountants. But they'll probably need a couple of days to get my paperwork together. So nothing I guess."

"Perfect. Penny and I are coming by to take you shopping."

"Ok. "

"Be there in 20."

"Ok." she repeated and hung up.

She was glad the girls thought of her. Except from visiting Rajesh she had nothing else to do. She was not going to go to Sheldon's for Halo night which left her evening free as well. She went to the restroom and then walked out to wait for her friends in the parking lot.

Penny's car showed up a few minutes later. The girls noticed Amy and drove to her.

"Hey Amy. Get in. We'll bring you back for your car when we're done". Bernadette said from the passenger side.

Amy got in the rear seat and moved in the middle so she could stick her head in the front of the car. "Hey girls. Thanks for doing this for me."

Penny was quick to make light of their intentions. "Bernie's skipping work and you know me. Any excuse to go shopping... Even if I can't afford anything."

"Are we still meeting Saturday as well?" Amy asked. Their initial plan was to do this on Saturday.

"We'll see how today goes. Where do you guys want to start from?" Bernadette asked.

"Let's go down town. There are a couple of fancy shops down there." Penny suggested.

"When do you think we'll be back? I told Rajesh I would drop by his place to say goodbye in person. He didn't go to work today."

"Want to get that out of the way first? His place is on our way." Penny offered. "Who knows where we'll end up."

"Oh yeah, Let's." Bernadette agreed. "We didn't get our caramel candy fix last night anyway."

"I'm not sure what that means but it sounds naughty." Amy said and she started giggling.

"Don't listen to her Amy. Bernie's still hot from her date." Penny teased Bernadette back.

"Hey." Bernadette said pretending to be offended.

"What date?" Amy asked genuinely curious.

"It wasn't a date. We both had lunch with one of Penny's regular customers at the Cheesecake Factory." Bernadette said turning to face the other two. "But he sure was smoking hot." she added and turned to face forward again before everyone burst out laughing.

"But seriously Amy..." Bernadette started again, desperately trying to keep from cracking up to maintain the illusion. "If I was single like you, I would definitely tap that caramel macchiato. You Are leaving for good next week."

"My God woman! You did turn into Howard." Penny said and began laughing again making the other two join in.

"How much wine did you two have? " Amy asked, still giggling.

"Nothing. I told you. It's from the date." Penny answered.

"Oh. I have to meet this guy."

"No you don't. But as I said, you can have Raj." " Bernadette said causing another round of laughter.

"Ok. Enough now. We're here. None of that nonsense in front of the poor guy." Penny warned as she pulled to a stop in front of his apartment complex.

They all got out.

"I was only joking. When are we going to get a chance to tease Amy like this again?"

Bernadette's last comment changed everyone's mood. Amy who was walking in the middle grabbed both girls by their shoulders and got all three closer together. "I'm going to miss you two." She said.

"We'll miss you too, Amy" Bernadette said as she pressed the buzzer waiting for Rajesh to buzz them into his complex. A minute later they said their hellos and he was letting them into his apartment.

"I hope you don't mind Rajesh. I brought Penny and Bernadette with me. We were on our way to the shops and decided to stop by together. "

"Oh no, please have a seat ladies."

All three women noticed the mark around his eye but they pretended they did not. None of them wanted to be the first to bring that up.

"Where's Cinnamon?" Penny asked.

"She's in the bedroom taking a nap. I think she had too much of me for a weekday."

"How come you're not at work?" Bernadette asked. "Are you ok?"

"Oh yeah. I'm not sick or anything. I just got this bruise and I didn't want everyone looking at it." He said pointing to his eye.

All three women pretended they noticed it for the first time.

"It's not that bad. It should go away in a couple of days." Amy said.

Penny and Bernadette realized that this was the same comment Sheldon made last night at dinner.

"I know but I prefer not to have people staring at me and talking about me and asking me how it happened all the time. Even if it's nothing. I prefer not to tell the same story a hundred times." He paused for a second but then decided he might as well tell it one more time. "I got it when I hit the eyepiece of a telescope at work the other night."

Penny had to find out. "Is that the reason we missed you at the Cheesecake Factory last night, sweetie?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. I understand I missed Amy's big announcement."

Penny and Bernadette gave each other a puzzled look. They were both wondering what the hell those two were up to. Meanwhile Amy started telling Rajesh about her new job and her breakup with Sheldon. The conversation between the two carried on for a couple of minutes when Rajesh noticed Bernadette, who was sitting on the armchair facing the kitchen, staring at something in there with a weird look on her face. He knew what it was. The pink Carefree package. He could feel his face changing color as his embarrassment was taking over. "Who knows what crazy ideas she'll get from it?" He thought. He decided the best course of action was to explain it himself and downplay its significance. He jumped up and offered his guests something to drink. The all thanked him but declined. He moved into the kitchen anyway, saying he was getting some water himself. He placed an empty glass on the counter next to the pantiliners and poured in some water from a bottle he got out of the refrigerator.

"You must be wondering what I'm doing with a box of these." He said picking it up trying to disguise his embarrassment. Penny and Amy turned and looked at what he was holding but only for a second.

"Are you using them on Cinammon?" Bernadette asked.

Rajesh realized that he was making a bigger deal about it than the girls were. Bernadette was probably looking at something else. "I guess women are used to these things." He thought. He did bring it up, however, so he reasoned he might as well tell them something. Maybe he'd get some sympathy from them.

"Oh no. I get ones made specifically for dogs for her. I got this last night when I was trying to buy some concealer for my eye. I got confused by the different colors and the different types. I didn't know what to get. So I grabbed something else at random and ended up with these." He turned his adventure into a more believable tale he thought as he moved back to his seat. And a lot less weird.

"Oh, you poor thing." Amy said.

"Yeah. Makeup is not as simple as guys think it is. Is it?" Bernadette asked.

"I'm still having trouble figuring everything out and I'm a girl myself." Amy added.

"And choosing what to buy is not even the hard part." Penny offered. "Putting it on is even more complicated."

Rajesh was glad he told the girls his problem. He was feeling a lot better about his predicament now.

"Want to come to the drug store down the street with us to help you get the right color now?" Penny asked.

He thought about Penny's idea but he decided going shopping for makeup with three other women was even more embarrassing than doing it alone.

"Oh no. Thank you all. I'll figure something out myself."

"Well my car is still back at work and we should be back around 7 to pick it up. If you change your mind by then give us a call." Amy said.

"Ok." He replied.

Bernadette got up "Well I think we should go if we're going to get any shopping done."

The other three got up as well. Amy hugged Rajesh and the three women left. He considered Amy's offer for a moment. "Could he tolerate shopping for makeup with only one other girl?" He then realized that none of them had a skin tone anywhere close to his. The cashier would definitely recognize who the makeup was for. He could not accept that.


End file.
